In what appeared to be either a strategic re-framing of the North Korean narrative or the sudden misfiring of a substantial group of cortical neurons, President Trump explained today at an impromptu Trump Tower news conference that spanned several topics how his own handling of the Cuban Missile Crisis would have been far superior to that of President Kennedy’s:
Trump: “You know, if I had been president during the Cuban Missile Crisis, it would have been over like that. Fidel, you commie bastard! Stand down! Over in one tweet! That’s a fact.”
New York Times: “You mean if Twitter was invented back then and you were president, your tweet would have forced Soviet leader Khrushchev into an immediate agreement, sparing Americans from a 13-day standoff with Cuba and the Soviet Union?”
Trump: “Exactly! I mean, I’m not saying President Kennedy was a communist sympathizer or anything, but 13 days is an awfully long time to make the American people wait.”
The president continued by explaining how his actions would have provided Americans with “several more weeks of wonderful, peaceful days.” Similar results with North Korea, however, were far more difficult to attain. “North Korea is like healthcare”, he said. “Far more complicated than anyone imagined.”
Subsequently questioned by CNN over whether he “truly believed” that one tweet from a 1960s President Trump would have ended America’s closest brush with a mainland nuclear war, Trump answered testily, “Fake news CNN! I’m not interested in your hypotheticals!”, before abruptly leaving the podium.
Apparently shocked by Mr. Trump’s use of a complex multi-syllabic word, the room suddenly became eerily silent.
But that silence was quickly broken by White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who immediately took the podium to lambast the press corps for questioning whether Mr. Trump would have prevented the dangerous 1962 confrontation from occurring in the first place.
“I hope this provides all of you with some well-needed perspective on our current situation with North Korea”, Mrs. Sanders concluded in her remarks.
The president later sent out a tweet stating he “would have rather not involved Russia, which is a great ally” during his own resolution of the Cuban Missile Crisis.