TV talk show host Donald Trump said that President Obama's birth certificate was insufficient proof he was born in America. "Anyone can invent a long form", said Trump. "It is just a piece of paper. We Americans need his placenta".
Pat Robertson, the TV evangelist and, like Trump, a former presidential candidate himself, remarked, "anyone who has read the Holy Bible knows the lord writes of birth after birth, after birth, after birth, after birth, after birth. That is god telling us to examine Obama's afterbirth".
"Obama's placenta should be a black-and-white issue, I mean tissue", continued Trump, who added, "I have a great relationship with the blacks".
House Republican Leader Eric Cantor agreed. "If his placenta does not have 'In God We Trust' stamped on it, we know he was born overseas because that's our motto. Just look at yesterday's mammoth work product from the House.
Trump said that he had hired a team of Kenyan investigators to find Obama's placenta in Kenya, and bring it back to the United States. They will first meet for 0.2 nanoseconds with his Hawaiian investigators to compare their voluminous notes.
Challenged by a reporter to produce his own placenta as proof of his birth, Trump scoffed, "what do you think that is growing on the top of my head!"
In other news, Newt Gingrich scolded Herman Cain for not going all the way with his former employees. "Only a leftwing, secular, bureaucratic socialist would not stick it to their employees", said Gingrich. "After that, you make your mistresses your wives, call your third wife a chevrolet, get the catholic church to bless the purity of your holy wedding, and all is forgiven".