I thought it would be funny to troll Donald Trump followers. And, at first, it was! I revived and re-posted an old article I wrote, How to Talk to Your Kids about Donald Trump and included Trump supporters in my target audience. Then something crazy happened. I learned things. I learned about Hillary (aka, "Killary") Clinton, libtards and other dangers that are, at this very moment, lurking in our once-great nation, sometimes in our towns and neighborhoods and even in our homes. Sometimes the dangers are still South of the Border, but, don't worry, they'll rape you when they get here. I learned about the things the mainstream media is silent about. I learned about the things they know, but know they don't want you to know. You know? I learned about Donald Trump. I learned about myself.
You look skeptical, but that's only because you're an idiot and a loser. Consider this your first indoctrination, err...class, at Trump University, no credit card required. Time to hop aboard the solid gold, ivory-encrusted Trump train (or get run over)! It's huge with plenty of cars to hold all the completely unequivocally why-would-you-even-question-them true facts that they won't teach you in any school other than Trump U. And don't worry, this loco-motive is fast enough to outrun mixed metaphors, rapist Mexicans, terrorist Muslims and the unpaid employees who built it. Believe me. It's true. Believe me.
Hillary, I mean "Killary," (sorry, force of habit...I'll get it right, eventually) is a lying, murdering c**t who can't be trusted with your gym locker combination. As one Trump fan lamented in response to my naively anti-Trump article, "Smh so let's elect killary. The biggest fucking liar an [sic] scam artist in the history of the free world." If only incessant lying was where it ended, but they don't call her Killary for nuthin'. That would be silly. Fun fact! Over the last 25 years, Hillary and Bill Clinton have had nearly 50 individuals murdered. Straight up murdered, bro! They started with James McDougal and Vince Foster and worked their way through many of their former friends and the bodyguards on their protection details. Because they knew too much! I guess...I'm not really sure. All I know is, someone should finally investigate these two! It was also implied--though never overtly stated--by many commenters that Hillary Clinton kicks three-legged puppies, posts Game of Thrones spoilers on the internet and will outlaw ice cream as soon as she gets in office (which will never happen...TRUMP 2016!!!). She's worse than ISIS (i.e. all Muslims) and Obama (definitely a Muslim) combined.
Muslims are, it pretty much goes with out saying, the enemy. In answer to my article's (in retrospect, completely ridiculous) question about how to talk to your kids about Donald Trump, one rebuke that summed up what a lot of other people were thinking is, "Well kid's [sic] he is the last hope to save America. Hillary will bring in millions of Muslims that will end up raping and killing you." The obvious truth that "unvetted" Muslims will flow into our country and blow us all up was repeatedly drilled into my soft liberal head. As one right wing poet so eloquently stated, "if c**t gets in !!! [sic] the country is lost and any one pushing for murdering babys [sic] not born and saling [sic] there [sic] body part is murder, its [sic, sic, sic!] sick shit , and if u go see the Muslims in action at there [sic] best genocide works and c**t is for them ! I want to see u pussys [sic] when shit go's [sic] down. And u see ur family murdered raped [sic] by Muslims a genocide cult & u put money behind anyone they have power , but I, m [sic] the idiot no I, m [sic] for a man not a sale [huh] out murdering whore or a sale [uh, ok] out party !! And we will not speak of the vets [ok]!! And how Democrat [sic] shit on them its [sic] sicking [yeah, sic-ning] but we help murdering Muslims to do the shit but I, m [sic and tired] the idiot !!" It's almost too obvious. This is true patriotism, devoid of the proper spelling and grammar that big government wants you to use. Coherent sentence structures are for pussies and the liberal elite (aka, pussies)!
My article, which was not read by a majority of the commenters (facts and actually reading something...also for pussies), expressed concern about what my children might hear from a presidential candidate. I was told, it's "dads like you that are ruining our country...teaching kids that they are entitled to free stuff...teach them to put down the video game and cut the goddam [sic] grass...." What can I say? I didn't mean to ruin the country and I don't have a yard to mow, but those are probably just lamestream media excuses. As one of the few women who commented put it, "Trump is a little Alpha for you. Bet if you got a job, you would feel better about yourself and would not have the need to involve your small children in dialog that is over their head." I bet if I wasn't so Beta, I'd have some god damn grass to cut!! Anyway. Someone, who sounds like they may be British but may have actually read my article (which, though completely unnecessary to thoughtfully comment on it, is nice), had this to say: "Why is this cuck amateur idiot showing up on my feed? Look at his page, he's a complete narcissist. Literally his argument against Trump is, 'OMG HE SAID SOMETHING MEAN, HE HURTS MY CUCK FEELINGS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME ITS 2016.'" Ouch. The truth is painful and my feelings are hurt. I asked him what the "fock a cuck is" but got no reply. I was forced to look inward. I just wish everyone would stop yelling and saying mean things about me!
It wasn't my fault! My thinking of thoughts was just a symptom of my illness. Luckily, some people understood. "You guys should know by now there's no reasoning with unamerican socialist/commie scumbags, they're sick in the head and a plague upon humanity, we've be though [sic] this before with these kind [sic] of sick people." He's right! Not demonizing people who practice a different religion or who are trying to escape poverty and make better lives for themselves is as un-American as apple strudel. I was too deranged to realize it before. I was just a "pussy dad trying to teach others how to raise pussy kids SMH" Ouch. That one was kind of mean, but at least he wasn't yelling.
The important thing is: I get it now! And by "it," I mean "ANGRY." I'm angry...at Muslims, immigrants, dumb libtard socialist communist pussies, and, mostly, at Hillary. Dammit! I did it again. I meant "Killary." Killary, Killary, Killary...because of the massive body count. Why is that so hard to remember? I'm going to put my faith in dear leader Donald J. Trump, hallowed be his name. No matter what he does or says, he is the MAN for the job. At the end of the day, I just need to stay informed. "In case u haven't been watching the news, America is only gonna get worse if the dumb b**ch is elected! !!!" Damn right.
I mean...damn, right?
This shit is real. Everyone cited may seem like a racist and/or misogynist, but, well, if the Donald J. Trump glove fits it must be a ladies size small. (Because of his teeny tiny hands!) The quotes and memes are just a small sample of the "discussion" on my Facebook page, names withheld to protect the indignant. There was some actual legitimate discussion, but it was mostly what you read above. I tried to let these Trump supporters speak in their own words but I did censor c**t and b**ch, because my wife told me to and I'm just so Beta.
This article was originally published at Amateur Idiot / Professional Dad. You can follow the hilarious exploits and even hilariouser social commentary of Amateur Idiot / Professional Dad on Facebook, Twitter , Instagram and even one video telling Trump to Go the F**k Away on YouTube.