Trump: The Stall for a Pickpocket Candidate

In pickpocket lingo, the "stall" is the person who distracts the vic(tim) and holds his or her attention so that the cannon (pickpocket) can make the dip. From a 2006 Vice post called Pickpocket Pointers:

The vic bumps into the stall and falls into a forward-leaning position. The cannon comes in from behind and removes the vic's wallet from his pocket.

Notice to the Voters: Donald Trump is the stall and you are the vics.

Trump's role as the stall is to to get in the way of clear thinking, and hold your attention as long as possible with the hair, the hate, the beauty pageants and the clowning. And then, come 2017, you'll be patting yourselves down wondering what happened to your election, and it will suddenly occur to you that maybe it was stolen while you were fixated on how many beauty queens Trump has slept with, and whether El Chapo was going to make good on his Twitter threats against him. You will be correct. Trump will have set you up.

So who's the cannon in this criminal enterprise? A tipoff is that it's always the least-likely looking person in the vicinity. The one least likely to raise suspicions. Yes, it's that benign looking, Uber-riding, Latino-marrying, slow jam with Jimmy Falloning, vanilla ice cream cone of a man, Jeb Bush.

After Trump's clown show, Jeb will come across as a Perfectly Reasonable Man. Trump's notions are so far to the right, and so outlandish, that fascist positions favorable to the Bush cartel will will, come election time, look like the center by comparison. This far-right stalling of the electorate by Trump does the double work of feeding Bernie Sanders supporters so much hot-take fuel that their man will move farther to the left in response, making it harder for Hillary to hold the center. So don't expect the Trumpster to go away after the primaries.

Here is a Vic's Guide to six ways that Trump is holding your attention with the stall, and six ways you're vulnerable because of it:

1. The stall advocates invading Mexico and going to war with El Chapo. The cannon swipes border states impacted by immigration and the loots the Treasury to pay for more troops, police, prisons, weapons and other Bush-friendly businesses, at the U.S.-Mexico border.

2. You obsess over the stall's ostentatious style and his bogus claims he's a self-made man worth billions. His PR people make a lot of noise. You ignore the fact that the cannon's family has been picking taxpayer pockets for three generations. His PR people keep things quiet. You hear nothing. You feel nothing. You've been anesthetized by Dr. Trumpenstein.

3. The stall rides in limos with police escorts and and has heavy security. The cannon takes an Uber with a driver who does not know who he is and does not plan to vote for him. Total pickpocket move. If the Artful Dodger were working the streets of San Francisco today, that's what he would do.

4. The stall advocates seizing Saudi Arabia's and Libya's oil resources. It will seem perfectly reasonable for the cannon to send troops to the Middle East to protect our (when he says "our" he will mean his family's) revenue sources and its partners in the region.

5. The stall scares people with his extreme positions, and his demonizing of the President. The cannon will come across like a breath of fresh air. You will let your guard down. And that's when the crime will occur.

6. The stall has the hair that fascinates you with what's under it. You never bother to ask what's under the cannon's choirboy haircut, which is Not Much.

Be careful out there.