Trump Transition Team Claims Russia Doesn't Exist

Following CIA claims of Russian interference in the 2016 election, members of President-elect Donald Trump's transition team insist that Russia doesn't actually exist. "This so-called 'country' is another ridiculous fabrication concocted by the intelligence community, the liberal media, and elite academics, just like they concocted the Constitution and gravity," said chief fabulist Marcy Joane Darkhaart. "Certainly President-elect Trump would have heard about a country like 'Russia' in his daily intelligence briefings and since he doesn't go to any of those briefings, there's nothing for him to hear about, and since he will be President, therefore, 'Russia' doesn't exist. Is that so hard to understand?"

Trump's transition team says stories of "Russia" hacking the election are just sour grapes on the part of Democrats and that we should all concentrate our efforts on the war against Eastasia, with whom the United States has always been at war, except when it has never been at war with Eastasia. In the meantime, President-elect Trump continues the laborious process of tweeting responses to every person who has ever said anything negative about him. "He's currently on Aaron Aklop of Gila Bend, Arizona, who is a real jerk," says Darkhaart. "By the end of his first 100 days in office, God willing, Trump should be on the D's."