Trump Widens Lead With Peegate

Commenting on Hillary Clinton's bathroom break in the last Republican Debate, Donald Trump said, ""I know where she went -- it's disgusting, I don't want to talk about it. No, it's too disgusting." Later Trump charged that, "It's more appalling than Watergate, Monicagate, Travelgate, Benghazigate, emailgate, Rosebillingate and Troppergate. Peegate is the most repulsive Clinton scandal ever."

"Wimps pee," Trump continued, "Real men don't pee. Obama pees incessantly. To make American great again, we need a President who is tough. Vladimir Putin pees once a month. Myself, I never pee. If I wasted half my day standing at urinals, I would not have made $10 billion."

Trump added that another reason to prohibit foreign Muslims from entering the United States is that "they pee five times a day."

Liberals, believing Trump had finally gone to far, reacted quickly. Charging that Trump had lied once too often, MSNBC's Rachel Maddow said, "Because they drink no liquids during Ramadan, Muslims actually pee less than Americans "

A New York Times editorial called Trump's remarks "a brazen insult to hard-working middle class Americans struggling to make monthly payment on their eco-friendly low-flush toilets" while Paul Krugman condemned "bailed out bankers and so-called serious people who piss like fire hoses while demanding urinary austerity from the less fortunate."

However, demonstrating that once aging he intuitively connects with Republican voters, Trump's lead in nationwide polls jumped to 49%. Billy Bob Dimmit, a truck driver from South Carolina, typified voter reactions, saying, "You got to admire a man who never pees. Trump tough. He's all balls."

Among the Republican candidates, only Jeb Bush tried to distance himself from Trump. Bush said that he now "pees very conservatively" but admitted that he peed moderately in college. Challenging Trump, Bush said, "I'm not only tougher than Trump and Putin, I'm also more polite. Neither of them prepped at a first-rate school."