Trump's Brain Pills

BILL O'SPRITZER

Good evening, this is Bill O'Spritzer in combined programming of Fox and CNN, bringing you some really breaking news. We have as our guest tonight Donald Trump, who has revealed that he takes a brain pill every day for working longer, improved memory, better thinking, and increased energy. Welcome, Mr. Trump.

(Trump is dozing, lets out a loud snore, and wakes up)

Sorry to wake you, Mr. Trump, but I was just telling our audiences about your remarkable brain pill. This is a important revelation considering that you are the presumptive Presidential candidate for the Republican party.

TRUMP
Yeah, it explains a lot about my special powers.

O'SPRITZER
What pill exactly do you take?

TRUMP
Well, I forgot the name of it, okay? But it's one of those drugs you get from a drugstore without a transcription. Anacin? Melatonin? Cialis? One of those.

O'Spritzer
The only one I know of is Pro-Brain Brain Enhancement Complex.

TRUMP
Yeah, that one. If I didn't take it regularly I would have retired a long time ago.

O'SPRITZER
Does it have any side effects, like memory loss, fatigue, or drowsiness.

TRUMP
What was that first one you mentioned?

O'SPRITZER
Memory loss?

TRUMP
That one. No, that's what so great about it. It's all natural. Pro-Brain puts all its money into the product, rather than promotion. If I didn't take it on a regular basis, I would have retired a long ime ago. It's real magic. I can't wait until it turns into...what do they call the cheaper version?

O'SPRITZER
Generic?

TRUMP
That one -- genital.

O'SPRITZER
Generic.

TRUMP
That's what I said. Generic. It's why my businesses are so successful and why I'm able to boost the American economy so well. Very good for the PDQ.

O'SPRITZER
Do you mean the IQ?

TRUMP
Intelligence quotation, right?

O'SPRITZER
Almost perfect, Mr. Trump.

TRUMP
Yeah, right. The quotation that affects the brain.