Donald Trump, the iconic Republican candidate of his era, bid farewell last night to his followers. In a moving speech at the Alamo, Mr. Trump ― famously known as the Capo to tens of millions ― reflected on his two years in power and offered candid words about the cause of his departure. He stressed that his only ambition had been to serve the Folk, and to help every family achieve the American Dream of ‘petulance, prejudice and perpetual adolescence.’ The disappointment in his voice was almost palpable when his thoughts turned to the struggle for America’s rightful place under the sun. “The goal was noble, the dedication of my true believers inspiring.” He went on, “we may have come up short, despite our great sacrifices and heroic effort, and for that I’m deeply regretful. I take full responsibility for any errors that may have been made. The Bitcoin stops with me.” In an oblique allusion to the setback at the Conventions, he remarked that “nobody could have foreseen such a tsunami of slander.”
“But in the end, it is much better this way. A people that votes for Hillary Clinton is doesn’t deserve me as a leader. They just don’t care about greatness”
As for his future plans, Mr. Trump was somewhat vague, saying only that he and his latest partner, Melania, (whom he affectionately calls “my Slav sensation”) had a number of options and would be deciding shortly about the next stage of life together. They were eagerly looking forward to sharing some quality time after these grueling years. Highly placed confidential sources, speaking off the record, indicated that a villa on the 18th fairway of the Asuncion Golf Association was one possibility. The Capo owns it – indeed, it is the six-pointed gold star of his course galaxy. The villa could allow for an easy segue into retirement.
Mr. Trump also has a book contract in the works. One especially attractive offer from a Swiss publisher is to assemble the memoirs of the great leaders of the 2016 presidential election into a single four volume set. Including the writings of Trump, HRC, Sanders and Cruz, sales should leave the authors with a comfortable nest egg. Brother in Christ Cruz, according to insiders, has some issues about the size of the advance, whether the proceeds were taxable, if the books would be printed in a union shop, and who would write the Benediction. Mr. Trump apparently made a personal phone call to Dallas in an attempt to iron out this wrinkle. The project is seen as possibly a first step in a multilateral program of post-election reconciliation and reconstruction. The key, as one close aide stated, is to avoid the issue of determining guilt for libel getting so politicized that the plan cannot be implemented effectively. “We all have to try to avoid the divisive blame game.”
The Capo’s last words to the breathlessly expectant crowd urged them “not to dwell on the raucous past, but instead to keep an eye on the prize - going forward.”