Tired of misogynist doggerel being passed off as inaugural poetry? Not ready to "come out for the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod"? Have we got the poem for you...
Drop trou for the Douchebag, ye white men and yobs,
Bend over for Trump, who promised ye jobs!
With bluster and lies he came down from his tower
To give this poor country a golden hot shower.
Now the cry has gone up with a cheer from the Klan:
"Hurrah for the Douchebag that walks like a man!"
When pussies run riot and none dare approach 'em,
Snatch-grabber-in-chief will step forward and grope 'em
We'll don our white sheets and flash a bright smile,
At the man whom America will flash a "Sieg hell!
For, he'll never forget us, we men of white pride,
Who think equal rights will bring white genocide.
When access to health care threatened our nation,
And Planned Parenthood gave free sex education,
As Muslims from Kenya crossed our fair waters,
While Mexican rapists assaulted our daughters
The flyover rednecks with expressions so sour
Entrusted a con man with ultimate power!
The Douchebag's a rapist while others just leer,
Mere cucks who neglect their male rights out of fear.
A buyer of buildings, never paying his men,
He bankrupts his business and starts up again.
The racists rise up and cheer for his cause,
Laughing with glee while he scoffs still more laws.
No friend to the migrant from both far and near,
He slanders the worthy, and revels in fear,
No melanin darker than whitebread is welcome,
They're Muslim or Arab -- no need to help 'em!
The Stormfront is ready with lots of fake news
To wrest our fair country from Kenyans and Jews!
No college for us, what need of book learnin'
With so many crosses out there that need burnin'?
We'll get rid of tenure, shut down lefty classes,
Make history just for the blessed white masses
Now we closed of mind shall all pledge our belief,
In the might of the Douchebag, our Fuhrer in chief!
The black men, gunned down by cops year by year,
The poor men, the sick men, the trans and the queer,
Those people, the ones with the pussies and tits,
You know, they're nasty, they pee when they sit?
What's they're name? I forget. What're the odds?
Oh, right, it's the babes, it's the chicks, it's the broads!
The Douchebag respects them, defends them with might!
If only they'd shut up and vote for Alt-Right!
In short, he will save us from all that we fear.
He'll nuke 'em and bomb 'em right into next year!
So merry Trumpmas to all, and to all a good night!
When you're done with America, please turn out the light...
How to vote
Vote-by-mail ballot request deadline: Varies by state
For the Nov 3 election: States are making it easier for citizens to vote absentee by mail this year due to the coronavirus. Each state has its own rules for mail-in absentee voting. Visit your state election office website to find out if you can vote by mail.Get more information
In-person early voting dates: Varies by state
Sometimes circumstances make it hard or impossible for you to vote on Election Day. But your state may let you vote during a designated early voting period. You don't need an excuse to vote early. Visit your state election office website to find out whether they offer early voting.My Election Office
General Election: Nov 3, 2020
Polling hours on Election Day: Varies by state/localityMy Polling Place