Trumpty Dumpty Will Have His Great Fall

Trumpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Trumpty together again.

As far as we know, Donald Trump, unlike Richard III, does not have a hump. He has a lot of money. That is his crutch, and that may doom him in the end.

It is true that Trumpty Dumpty has not plotted to murder his rivals so he can be king.

Instead, Trumpty Dumpty has plotted to overwhelm us not only with his funds but with his much-trumpeted intellect. As he told us on Wednesday at a rally in Washington, D.C., our country is run by "very, very stupid people."

He was presumably referring to President Obama.

Trumpty Dumpty would have us believe that he, unlike Obama, is a genius because, as he never stops telling us, he went to Wharton. He actually transferred there for his bachelor's degree after spending two years at Fordham.

It has never been reported that President Obama, who himself transferred to Columbia after two years at Occidental, or Trumpty Dumpty graduated with honors from college, and we would know if either one did, since neither man is shy about touting his perceived successes.

In the president's case, as we all know, he was the first African-American to be president of the Harvard Law Review, and, as we have also been informed, he graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law School. In Trump's case, he has made billions of dollars.

It must be said that both men have benefited from their fathers' pedigree. Trump took over the family real estate business. Obama's acceptance at Harvard Law School was undoubtedly eased by the fact that his father attended Harvard for graduate school.

Though Trumpty Dumpty may not have excelled academically, many bright people have not thrived in school.

Perhaps, Trumpty Dumpty is less of a genius than a "super genius" like Wile E. Coyote, who plotted to kill the Road Runner.

In true super genius fashion, Trumpty Dumpty has succeeded in catching and diminishing the original Republican front-runner, Jeb Bush, mocking him for his "low energy," for his speaking Spanish, and for his soporific effect on attendees at his events.

While Trumpty Dumpty has not assembled any Acme devices, as Wile E. Coyote did, to trap Jeb and others, he has deployed his trademark bombast to foil his foes.

He denigrated John McCain, a war hero, for his military service, even though Trumpty Dumpty got numerous deferments when he was a student at Fordham and his beloved Wharton, deferments that enabled him to avoid the draft and the Vietnam War.

Trumpty Dumpy also famously bashed undocumented immigrants to this country as "murderers and rapists."

And he showed his casual misogyny by suggesting that Fox anchor Megyn Kelly was under the gravitational pull of the moon at the time that she questioned him in the first Republican debate.

More recently, in a Rolling Stone profile, he criticized Carly Fiorina, one of his Republican rivals, for her facial appearance, though he claimed on CNN this morning, September 10, that he was referring to her persona.

Few will believe him given the tasteless remarks he has made in the past about women.

At this point, that has not stopped Trumpty Dumpty from topping the most recent CNN poll with 32 percent of Republican voters choosing him as their nominee. But, like all super geniuses, Trumpty Dumpty will have a great fall. One must keep in mind that the Acme products always backfired on Wile E. Coyote, who invariably ended up tumbling off a cliff before getting conked on the head by an anvil.

Richard III was foiled in the end too.

One might wonder if Trumpty Dumpty will blame it on his marital past.

"My divorce! My divorce! My kingdom for a divorce!"

We might reply, "Which one?"

Of course, few care about Trumpty Dumpty's two divorces except insofar as they reveal his quantitative attitude toward women. "She's so much more than a ten," he once allegedly said about his second wife.

"You'd be impressed," he once told Gloria Allred about a part of his anatomy. Her reply, if memory serves, echoed the spirit if not the wit of Truman Capote's quip about how he could initial, but not sign, his name on the member of a Trump-like solipsist.

The anvil may not come for a while, but there is just so long before Trumpty Dumpty will meet his own Joseph Welch on live TV. I am looking forward to that moment when someone stands up to the bully.

Hillary Clinton is more than capable of doing so. She has the strength and the smarts.

But, hopefully, Trumpty Dumpty will meet his fall before then, amongst his Republican brothers and sisters.

It may be a moderator who refutes Trumpty Dumpty's claim that every tough question is a "gotcha question," or it may be a Republican rival who demands that Trumpty Dumpty stop demeaning the intelligence and facial appearance of his foes.

Trumpty Dumpty will find out that you can't keep making excuses when you screw up, as he did in confusing the Quds and the Kurds on Hugh Hewitt's show. And you can't keep maligning people if you hope to get elected to the highest office in the land.

Will Carly Fiorina be the one to take on Trumpty Dumpty? She appears to have the poise and the confidence for the task.

And it would be nice if Jeb joins in by standing up for immigrants, narcoleptics and the Bush family name, from which he has been said to distance himself.

Poppy Bush had to fight off his own image as a bland wimp.

Let's see Jeb unleash his inner W. and go mano a mano with Trump, the chicken hawk.

Wile E. Coyote may howl as Dr. Carson separates them. But Trumpty Dumpty is more likely to utter a whelp.

That is when we will know that the stunts of the super genius have backfired, when Trumpty Dumpty will have his great fall, when he will crack and splatter like an egg.

Then we will find out that Trumpty Dumpty has no hump, that it was all a charade. As Marty Feldman said in Young Frankenstein, "What hump?"