I seriously cannot believe I'm 50. I don't feel 50. In fact, I don't even feel 40. But, I checked my birth certificate and the number is accurate, so here I am, six days into being the big 5-0.
As a writer and sharer of very personal things, I decided that the best way to deal with turning 50 is to list 50 things I'm thinking at this point in my life.
So, here goes:
1. Why couldn't I have the confidence I have now 20 years ago?
2. I could have done so much more had I gotten my shit together earlier in life.
3. Do I think I look a lot younger than I actually look?
4. I can't believe I'm 50 and I still get shocked (quite a bit) by some of the things people do.
5. It is both scary and sad, but I feel like I hear about someone getting cancer every other day.
6. Why are young people so stupid?
7. Why are young people so lovable?
8. Sometimes I wish there was no Facebook.
9.. I'm actually too old to be a cougar now.
10. What if my money runs out before I die?
11. What if I die?
12. Strong, independent women inspire me. I have met so many women whose lives seem great, and when I get to know their story and how they got there, it's shocking. They struggled and they persevered. In other words, nothing ever comes easy to anyone. Ever.
13. Is 50 the new 30? I sure as hell hope so.
14. I really hope I get married again someday.
15. Why does everyone else seem to be staying the same age, and I keep getting older?
16. I really feel like I have lived. Not a lot of people can say that.
17. I love people my age.
18. I love good sex.
19. When did I become such a crier?
20. My high school friends still seem the same to me as they did when we were 12.
21. I thank God for my health every single day.
22. I talk to God all the time. Did I do that when I was younger? I think so.
23. I would prefer to watch old movies versus the news these days. Why aggravate myself or cause stress about things I have no control over?
24. Showing your authentic self makes you feel beautiful.
25. Working out has more benefits than you can possibly imagine.
26. Passion truly drives success, but not always monetary success.
27. If someone has an issue with me and they choose not to tell me about it, it's their problem, not mine.
28. I can only be me. I can't control how others act towards me or what they think of me.
29. I expect way too much from people and because of that am constantly disappointed. It's not their fault, it's mine.
30. Thank God I listened to my gut when it came to life-changing decisions. Not only did I avoid disaster, but it opened the door for other things that turned out amazing.
31. Recognizing your gifts and your challenges is really important in living the life you want.
32. Spend time with those who motivate you, challenge you, make you laugh and make you feel loved.
33. Dump anyone who is jealous of you or who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way.
34. My heart is full. I actually love that saying.
35. There comes a time in life when you just can't call your parents with bad news anymore.
36. Visiting the sick is the best good deed there is. So is helping someone get a job.
37. Know thyself has never made more sense to me than it does at 50.
38. Dumb and dumber is how I would describe myself in my 30s and 20s.
39. Like Justin Timberlake said in his song with Michael Jackson, "Love never felt so good."
40. You can't reason with crazy.
41. I wish I wasn't so soft. My feelings get hurt way too easily, and that hasn't gotten any better with age.
42. I might be the most impatient person I've ever met.
43. When it feels like someone punched you in the gut and knocked you down, remember that being on the ground is only temporary. But if you stay there waiting for a hand to help you up, you're going to be there for awhile.
44. I love having a cocktail before dinner. Getting buzzed is fun. Getting drunk is so unnecessary.
45. I just recently learned how a woman is supposed to hold hands with the man she loves.
46. My favorite time of the day is when I'm drinking coffee and I hear footsteps upstairs, and I know my kids just woke up.
47. My second favorite time of the day/night is watching my kids sleep.
48. I can't do everything I did in my younger years, but everything I can do, I do smarter than I did in my younger years.
49. You can never watch too many sunrises. Each one is unique.
50. Just keep praying. That was said to me by a dear friend who is an Italian-born Catholic and 76-years-old.
Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, Love Essentially" for Chicago Tribune Media Group local publications. Pilossoph lives in Chicago. Oh, and she's divorced.