Have you heard? The Donald has admitted that this whole "President Thing" was a joke. He was never serious about running for the highest office in the land. He was just testing a concept for a new television show he wants to sell the networks: "Celebrity Republican Apprentice President."
"I figured the best way to generate interest in my CRAP project was to show the network brass that it wasn't far-fetched; that with the right celebrity under the right circumstances, anyone who is universally known, respected and willing to say absolutely anything could generate enough support to be elected President of the United States."
Trump admitted that the demonstration project got a little out of hand. "Who knew so many people would actually take my CRAP seriously? I knew millions of Americans hold me in very high regard. But I didn't think they would abandon reality and believe every word I said," said the presumptive Republican Nominee.
"I wanted to be outrageous; to say things that didn't make any sense at all to test the limits of candidate credibility. But no matter how inane I got, people cheered. The more offensive I got, the more support I got. When I proposed building a wall along our southern border and insulted 130-million Mexican people in the process, the crowd cheered. When I called my opponents names, people loved it. When I made fun of a news reporter's physical disability, my supporters ate it up. When I came up with a really stupid plan to ban nearly one fourth of the population of the earth from coming into the U.S. because of their religion, millions of people loved it. When I went after a distinguished federal judge, a few people got a little huffy, but most of my supporters cheered. I've tried, but I haven't been able to come up with anything more outrageous."
Trump was asked how he had managed to prevail in field of 17 GOP candidates, including U.S. Senators and governors.
"I have absolutely no idea. It sure looks like they all took a dive. Apparently everyone was looking for an excuse to bail. A couple of them told me that only a crazy person would really want to be president these days.
To tell you truth, I was pretty disappointed. I'd planned to bow out gracefully and support either Bobby Jindal or Jim Gilmore. But they flew the coop before I had a chance. It looks like even Jeb! and Little Mario weren't really all that committed."
Asked what he plans now that he is one of the major party's candidates and has at least a theoretical chance of being elected President, The Donald said, "I have absolutely no idea. But I can tell you this: I'm not taking that job! I have much more important things to do than run the Executive Branch of the government. I've got deals to do and money to make. I mean--can you imagine trying to deal with this Congress? And the dump where the President is supposed to live? I'm sorry, but I have my standards."
Trump was not sure yet if his concept for a show would be picked up by any of the television networks, but said if it wasn't, he would simply peddle his CRAP somewhere else. "There is always someone out there who will buy it," he said.