Speedy Little Tortoise Beats And BITES Dog While Playing Soccer, Is Basically Luis Suarez

You've heard the story of the tortoise and the hare, but what about the tortoise, the ball and the dog?

The speedy tortoise in the video above lives in Italy, according to the Facebook user who posted the clip, and is just trying to brush up on his soccer skills -- like good Italian pets do -- when a bothersome dog gets in the way. Our reptile friend is not one to back down from some one-on-one though, even when the opponent is more than double his size, and so he shows that noisy dog who's boss.

And even though he does bite his opponent around the 1:07 mark, which may technically be a foul, we still declare him the winner.