On the surface, there’s nothing funny about a breakup. But if you’re self-deprecating, witty and can laugh at your pain, few subjects are funnier.
Below, 26 tweets that somehow find the humor in breaking up. (For some of them, here’s hoping their exes have already hit unfollow.)
I tried to swipe a crumb off my phone and accidentally liked all 240 pictures of my ex girlfriend’s trip to Maui with Roger
— vineyille (@vineyille) March 6, 2016
According to Investigation Discovery, I handle breakups like insanely well
— Kara (@thedryginger) October 23, 2017
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom not to text my ex.
— Lil Uzi Horizont (@themeredith) August 16, 2018
Next relationship I get into imma need a $1,500 security deposit first.
— Black Couples (@blvckcouples) December 20, 2018
"People say there are plenty o' fish in the sea. Yea well I got my eye on that one specific emotionally distant salmon w/ commitment issues"
— Julia Ling (@julialing) August 27, 2016
bet if I start calling the mouse in my kitchen “my boyfriend” he’ll leave.
— Arooba🌻 (@Adiosuckers_) November 1, 2017
Sometimes relationships don't work out because of timing, but most of the time it's because someone is an asshole.
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) October 17, 2011
i love that moment post breakup when girls start posting fire selfies.
— furfante (@nicolemilfie) April 5, 2016
This is by an ex who dumped me pic.twitter.com/jew6OLE3Qx
— Declan Dashin’ Through The Snow (@Tweet_Dec) November 3, 2017
“ what advice would you give the next person dating your ex ? “
— Saf ✨ (@sxfiyyxh_) January 17, 2018
get an exorcist fam.
*casually texts 'why do you deny heaven' to all my exes*
— Tracy the Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) April 24, 2016
Saying "we can still be friends" after a bad break up is like saying " hey the dog died, but we can still keep it" 😷
— ıɬʂᎯℕⅅᎽცıɬҳɧ (@AndyAint_Shhh) May 2, 2017
that moment of truth when you log in to see if your ex changed the HBO Go password yet pic.twitter.com/JCLBEGAQFz
— Kristin Harris (@KristinHarris) July 29, 2017
I’m newly single and I don’t know whether to adopt a cat or get a septum pierce or join a gym or slide into my celebrity crushes’ DMs so I think I’m going to do all of it
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) June 18, 2018
99 bottles of beer on the wall
— Brandon Calvillo (@BJCalvillo) April 27, 2017
99 bottles of beer
You take one down
You drink the whole thing
Take another one down
You drunk text your ex
me after a breakup pic.twitter.com/DB4ePqPGkN
— fuck feelings (@iRelateWords) July 27, 2014
Text him again. He probably just forgot that he's in love with you.
— moody monday (@mdob11) March 17, 2014
The final stage of getting over a breakup is realizing you don't like IPAs
— Julie Poptart (@juliepoptart) July 10, 2017
the stages of a breakup:
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) October 5, 2015
1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. taking pictures of everything you do to make sure people know you're having fun
One of the worst part of a breakup is you'll never see their dog again, and the dog has no idea why.
— Ethan (@EKM94) January 10, 2015
"I'm still upset about my breakup."
— MARK LITTLE VERY GOOD (@markmarklittle) May 13, 2016
"Hey there's plenty of fish in the sea."
"Yeah."
"Bass...trout..."
"Salmon."
"Lotta fish."
"Cod."
"Cod!"
You know what helped me feel better after my breakup? That I wasn't dating him anymore.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) June 12, 2015
i think the worst way you can be hurt on social media is venmo hurt. there's no worse gut punch than seeing your ex receive money from a rando for a cryptic string of emojis that can only mean 'this is flirting. on venmo'
— crissy (@crissymilazzo) July 2, 2018
seeing your ex on a dating app is like launching yourself off a skyscraper but getting flayed by a helicopter rotor before you hit the ground
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) April 18, 2018
♫ the best part of breaking up is folgers in your unwashed cereal bowl please come back samantha im losing it
— Avery Monsen (@averymonsen) October 31, 2015
I drunk dialled my ex but it was the wrong number and made a stranger cry.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) February 12, 2016