Offering to host Thanksgiving may seem like a good idea at the time, but as those who have been there can attest, this task is no walk in the park.
After all, you’re volunteering to invite a group of people to your home and cook a large and complex meal for them ― all while navigating seriously awkward and delicate family dynamics. But at least you can commiserate on Twitter.
We’ve rounded up 39 funny and relatable tweets about the trials and tribulations of hosting Thanksgiving. Chow down!
Nov. 1: Invites extended family over for Thanksgiving feast.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) November 17, 2016
3 weeks later: What in the hell was I thinking?
I'll host Thanksgiving, you just bring yourselves. Oh and wine. A dessert if you want. Maybe a turkey. Bring your house if it's not too much
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 15, 2016
American Horror Story: The Turkey Needs To Cook For Another Hour
— Tracy the Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) November 27, 2014
Thanksgiving is a sweet day where my kids scream for hrs while I cook & then my 4 yo announces at the table that Grandma Edna smells funny.
— ⚪️Ash (an female)⚪️ (@adult_mom) November 16, 2016
Do your parents like Jell-O shots?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 3, 2018
-Me trying to make a shopping list for Thanksgiving.
Get into the spirit of hosting Thanksgiving by lying awake at 4 AM worrying because you didn’t wash your windows.
— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) November 23, 2017
Earlier this year I used the turkey baster to suck power steering fluid out of the ps fluid reservoir before changing the ps pump in our car. I forgot to replace the baster it and now it’s a crisis. #ThanksgivingFails
— Paul Carini (@Paul_Carini) November 23, 2017
Fun game:
— Marl (@Marlebean) November 23, 2016
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner this yr. I asked my guests to bring the turkey, stuffing, veggies, drinks & dessert. That's hosting right?
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) November 18, 2014
My husband and I make a good team. I'm about to start cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and he's taking the batteries out of the smoke detectors.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) November 23, 2016
read all the recipes you like, but you can never truly prepare a turkey for thanksgiving
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) November 23, 2016
Husband: Do you want to go see a movie tonight or something?
— Abby Jimenez (@AuthorAbbyJim) November 7, 2018
Me: Are you insane? Do you not realize that I only have two weeks left to prepare to host Thanksgiving???
i just shredded a cool 72 ounces of cheese for thanksgiving. these fools don't appreciate me the way they should.
— king crissle (@crissles) November 22, 2017
THANKSGIVING GAME: nobody gets pie until you go around the table & everyone has to say "climate change is real"
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 23, 2017
I like to host Thanksgiving so my kids can feel free to throw tantrums and not eat dinner in their own comfortable surroundings.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) November 21, 2016
My mom made everyone get out of her picture with the food cause "ain't nobody help" pic.twitter.com/62g5NNhWLt
— whomst’veatlantavegas (@Namastaywoke) November 24, 2016
How I host Thanksgiving:
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) November 21, 2015
1. Survey messy house
2. Give up on cleaning anything
3. Get others to make the food
4. Hang out on Twitter
5. Nap
#ItsNotAFamilyGatheringUntil you drag the lawn furniture into the middle of the living room, so that everyone has a place to sit.
— Regina Spacola (@gigirules7) November 21, 2016
Want a glimpse of hell? Go grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) November 18, 2015
I love Thanksgiving. Can't wait to slave for hours over a meal my kids will rudely reject in front of relatives who are judging my parenting
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) November 16, 2016
What part of my house can I clean now, and still have it be clean in a week? #Thanksgiving
— Diana Porter (@dianamporter) November 16, 2017
My recipe for the perfect juicy Thanksgiving turkey for your family gathering:
— Elisabeth. (@YourMomsucksTho) November 9, 2018
1.) Buy whiskey
2.) Preheat oven to 500°
3.) Get in
A Thanksgiving dinner recipe: Order that shit already made from the grocery store, pour yourself a drink, sit back, and relax. You're welcome.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) November 15, 2018
Thanksgiving Pro Tip:
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 22, 2017
Never eat any food offered to you by an adorable toddler relative. It might look like a cookie, or piece of candy, but it’s actually the flu.
Thanksgiving always reminds me of the year I made an apple pie with brown sugar and a relative who shall not be named said the pie was too spicy.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) November 20, 2017
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is when multiple families come together to argue over the pronunciation of pecan pie.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 20, 2016
And we're at the part of Thanksgiving night where my wife's uncle is describing what technically constitutes a proper noose.
— Michael hates the holidays (@Home_Halfway) November 28, 2014
Son: "Wow Mommy, how did you cook all the Thanksgiving food so fast?"
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) November 23, 2017
Me: "Because I'm pregnant, so this is the first year in a long time that Mommy isn't cooking while drunk, honey."
Thanksgiving: A time to be thankful even after pleading with your child for an hour to JUST TRY IT, giving up when they only eat a roll.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 17, 2016
You have to admire husband's focus as he plays on his iPad while I furiously chop carrots tapping out "I hate you" in morse code w my knife.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 26, 2015
“There’s nothing to eat here!”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 26, 2017
-This coming from the kid that skipped Thanksgiving turkey & 11 side dishes to eat bread.
serious thanksgiving question: when a family member's telling a tragic story and everyone's crying, how long should i wait before taking a bite of my pie?
— beth, an alien™ (@bourgeoisalien) November 22, 2017
(Thanksgiving Dinner)
— Brandon Calvillo (@BJCalvillo) November 21, 2016
"This turkey is so good"
Uncle: "......you know what's not good?"
"Pls don't.."
Uncle: "THE GOD DAMN LIBERALS"
Happy Thanksgiving! This year I'm thankful that your family is so annoying you're checking Twitter instead of talking to them.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) November 27, 2014
Instead of asking why I'm not making a Thanksgiving turkey for my family, ask yourself why you aren't ordering a Thanksgiving pizza.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 21, 2016
Thanksgiving and Christmas are the holidays where you get all dressed up to just be in your kitchen and living room 💀😂
— jas (@jasxxv) November 21, 2016
If you didn't start defrosting your Thanksgiving turkey in early October it's already too late.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) November 14, 2017
The hardest part about Thanksgiving is convincing the family I only eat like this on holidays
— FleurDeLis (@Celestinelea90) November 23, 2015
when to start defrosting your turkey:
— kim 🦃 (@KimmyMonte) November 21, 2017
•4-8 lbs: Monday night
•8-15 lbs: Sunday at 6:23pm
•16-30 lbs: Labor Day
•35+ lbs: that’s a pug, you have my pug
Before You Go
