Is it just us or has the coronavirus pandemic really solidified your relationship status? If you’re married, you’re very married and probably going slightly crazy with your spouse, given how little you can leave your house. If you were newly coupled up when the virus broke out, you’re pretty much married now.
And if you’re single, well, you’re very single: On the dating apps, the pickings have never been slimmer. The pickup lines are infinitely worse (“If coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?” No, Justin, you can’t) and at this point, you’ve all but forgotten what human touch feels like.
If you’re single and looking for someone, know that you’re not alone in your angst. Below, we’ve gathered up 32 tweets from people who’ve just about had it with being single now that we’re seven months into the pandemic.
BREAKING NEWS for men on dating apps: All women have COVID-19. Stop asking us to come over.— Victoria BlackLivesMatter (@verb1991) March 26, 2020
My best mate just described the state of online dating right now as 'going to a fashion store when it has a sale' and honestly has anyone ever said a truer thing— Poorna Bell (@poornabell) May 10, 2020
Being single during the pandemic is a blessing because I'm not on standby to cut anyone's hair— Julie Kliegman (@jmkliegman) May 2, 2020
Covid has gone on for so long that a man who tried to catfish me on hinge at the very beginning of it all thought enough time had passed for him to try to match with me again and have me not remember it— Chloë Emanuelle (@GoForChlo) August 24, 2020
attention: due to fear of getting coronavirus, i will not be having a boyfriend at this time. that is the only reason! please do not believe rumors that “no one is interested” or “i make it very difficult to love me”— Johnny ACABnik (@jlazebnik) March 10, 2020
There are no rules for dating during the pandemic. Cyber date 16 dudes at once, have phone sex in your childhood bedroom, ask “what are we” after the second zoom date, join your ex’s new girlfriend’s IG Live, find a sugar daddy to buy you a peloton, the possibilities are endless.— Girls Gotta Eat Podcast (@Girls_GottaEat) March 23, 2020
she’ll text me back she’s probably just doing a puzzle— James (@CaucasianJames) March 18, 2020
What does it mean when your FaceTime date says, “you’re eating into my TV time”? Asking for a friend.— Blake™ - Prosperity Gospel Mafia CEO (@sblakeedwards34) August 21, 2020
I would wear my fancy grey sweatpants on our first zoom date but I don’t want you to fall in love.— 𝓜 (@Love_bug1016) May 26, 2020
Exciting news, a guy on a dating app has told me coronavirus is over— Jackson McHenry (@McHenryJD) June 10, 2020
online dating right now feels like ordering jeans that are backordered knowing they'll eventually make you feel like shit— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) April 5, 2020
dating in quarantine is so hard... it’s been 5 minutes.. why aren’t you texting me back... I know u at home chilling.— JUICY JACKIE (@juicyjackiie) March 13, 2020
*Downloads hinge*— Heather Monroe ✌🏻 (@Heatherisme) June 26, 2020
First guy I match with asks me if I want to come over tonight (despite COVID)
wanted to confirm that due to the corona virus outbreak, I will not be getting married this year!— mary beth (@marybethbarone) March 11, 2020
You know who’s really gonna suffer during this social distancing?— Kaitlyn McQuin (@kaitlynmcquin) March 15, 2020
Dudes on dating apps
Welcome back to courtship, Brad. Welcome back to talking to a gal for WEEKS prior to meeting.
We’re pen pals now, my dude.
We bout to get Jane Austen up in here.
Now, write me a poem.
People on Tinder are like “In town for my birthday weekend! Looking to catch Covid — and feelings 😉❤️”— Drew Gregory (@draw_gregory) August 22, 2020
the pandemic has gone on so long that the cashier at 711 is becoming my best viable dating option— Alice Balagia (@ambalagia) August 19, 2020
:::on dating apps to men:::— Cristina Vanko (@CristinaVanko) March 20, 2020
Me before Covid-19: Please be 6ft tall!
Me during Covid-19: Please stay 6ft away!
Jon Hamm and I were set to have our beautiful wedding this April. However, due to the coronavirus, we will be postponing the celebration of our love. I’m heartbroken. My apologies to our friends and loved ones. Do not ask Jon about this he’s busy— grace spelman (@GraceSpelman) March 15, 2020
For married people wondering what pandemic dating is like:— Taylor Williamson (@TaylorComedy) August 3, 2020
On first dates, you cover your face like a creeper and walk 6 ft away away from a pretty girl for miles like a super creeper. Concerned looking people pass you by who clearly wonder if they should call the police or not.
COVID has made dating so hard— Nicole Minnich (@nsminnich) August 19, 2020
I mean I wasn’t successful at dating before COVID but at least now I can blame the pandemic and not just myself
ok I bet if I got quarantined with a guy THEN I could fix him— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) March 12, 2020
guys will stand 5’8” from you and call it 6 feet— illithid tadpole (@andrealongchu) April 4, 2020
either I need a coronavirus boyfriend or I need my extra monitor from my work desk. I can’t be expected to survive self quarantine without both— Kinsey Grant ☕️ (@KinseyGrant) March 13, 2020