If you’re a parent of an early riser — like, the kind of mom or dad who sees it as a major victory if your child manages to sleep until 6 a.m. — your days are long. Like, by the time 10 a.m. rolls around, you’ve already had a DAY.
Thankfully, you’re not alone. We rounded up 29 funny tweets from fellow parents of early risers to help take a bit of the pain away — and to enjoy over a cup of coffee. (Or 15.)
[5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper]— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 21, 2015
Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the oven?
Me: I'm up.
If it's 7 AM on a weekend and you are wishing you were at work, congratulations on having kids.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 3, 2017
I told my daughter she can be anything she wants to be. Turns out, she wants to be an alarm clock that goes off at 5 AM— The Dad (@thedad) May 9, 2018
Do you remember being in your prime, saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” in a YOLO sort of way?— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) January 18, 2019
And now that you’re a parent, you realize that this phrase is actually your staggering reality now: The next time you get a good night’s sleep, you’ll probably be dead.
Get married and have kids so instead of spending Sunday morning sleeping in you can get up too early and repeatedly reheat your coffee while panicking that the neighbors heard you threaten to murder your children if they can’t find a way to share the Magna-tiles.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 7, 2019
I hope my kids grow up to be wildly happy and successful people but mostly I hope they learn to sleep past 6AM.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 2, 2019
Who needs an alarm clock when you have a 4yo that suddenly starts screaming "MY POOP! MY POOP!" at 5am?— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) January 29, 2014
Rise and shine!
I gave my kids rice sensory bins at 6am in case you're wondering what the perfect combination of bravery and desperation looks like.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 30, 2019
Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to my kid silently standing by my bed at 5 AM.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 2, 2020
[laying in bed]— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) April 7, 2018
Husband: Good morning
Me: Good morning
All 3 children sitting on top of my head: Good morning!!
My alarm went off this morning, I turned to my left, and there was a child staring directly into my face who said, “WANNA PLAY?!”— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) April 14, 2021
I don’t know much about parenting, but I do know that if you set your alarm clock for 7, your toddler will wake you up by 4— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) January 6, 2021
3-year-old: I won!— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 2, 2019
Me: At what?
3: Waking up.
Take that, sleep.
My favorite parenthood thing is dragging the kids out of bed at 7 for school all week & then seeing them bright-eyed at 5:30 am on Saturday.— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) August 20, 2016
parenting is missing my kids as they sleep and cursing at them tomorrow morning for waking me up too early— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 18, 2021
Parenting is being exhausted but waking up early so you can have time to yourself and stumbling out to find the kids awake and waiting for a snack.— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 16, 2019
My youngest three kids were all up by 4:30am by choice, in case you wondered what the worst alarm clock in the world sounds like.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 15, 2018
Every toddler’s internal alarm clock is set to shuffle from midnight to 6am.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 14, 2015
If you haven't duct taped your kids shades to the window you clearly don't have an early riser...consider yourself lucky & don't judge me— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 3, 2013
In a last minute effort to get my boys to sleep past 6am, I told them the 1st one up cleans the toy room.— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) August 1, 2015
They've never slept this long.
My only goal as a sleep deprived parent is to make coffee so strong I will be able to hear colors and taste sounds after one sip.— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) January 30, 2019
I wonder how silly the inventor of the alarm clock felt when they realized that children exist.— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) November 4, 2018
*awakened by tap on arm*— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) March 28, 2015
Daughter: Daddy, what time is TOO early to wake you up on Saturdays?
Me: *blindly points to alarm clock* That.
"I'm excited to turn my clocks back this weekend because I'll get an extra hour of sleep!"— Doyin Richards - Fully Vaccinated (@daddydoinwork) November 4, 2016
- Spoken by no parents of young children, ever.
[6AM Saturday]— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 29, 2016
Well, I can't sleep. Better make sure nobody else can, either. Ok now if I were a dad, where would I keep the ladder?
i am still baffled every morning i am forced to wake up early and go to work and i see my kids who have zero responsibility to a job already be awake before me. what are you doing? live your life in bed while you can!— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 9, 2021
I need an alarm clock that doesn't wake me up at 5AM asking for Cheerios.— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) July 22, 2013