Halloween requires a lot from parents ― you have to help your kids find a costume, take them trick-or-treating (and/or hand out candy to the ones who stop by), and handle their inevitable sugar high.
You deserve some of the spoils of the holiday, whether that means sneaking some Skittles from your kids’ bag while they’re asleep, or keeping a hidden stash of Hershey’s chocolates just for yourself.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone ― below are some hilarious parent tweeters who’ve shared their Halloween candy adventures. Enjoy, and good luck!
Parents 364 days a year: Don't take candy from strangers.— Walking With Spooks (@WalkingOutside) October 19, 2016
Parents on Halloween: Take candy from strangers. In the dark. And share with me.
Used the flashlight on my iPhone to stealthily pillage my kids' Halloween candy. Like some kind of MomGyver, amirite?— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 6, 2015
I'm so sorry.
I like to put the kids' Halloween candy into piles marked "acceptable, questionable & not even if this was the last drop of food on earth."— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) October 31, 2016
We're 4 weeks out from Halloween and I'm at peak anxiety that this will be the year my kids figure out how delicious peanut butter cups are.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 5, 2016
I've never pled the 5th more than I have about eating this year's Halloween candy.— Karri-Leigh (@karri_leigh) November 4, 2015
It was almost the perfect crime: eat a piece of 6's Halloween candy while he's asleep. If only I'd buried the wrapper deep in the trash can.— Vote Meh! (@TheAlexNevil) November 18, 2015
Me: Sorry, kids, but no touching the candy until Halloween.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 10, 2016
Also me: [Hides in my office eating fistfuls of the Halloween candy.]
I told my son, "That's so weird the tooth fairy took the rest of your Halloween candy. I thought she was only interested in teeth."— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 24, 2015
What kind of Halloween candy pairs well with red wine? *asking for a friend*— It'sReally10Months (@really10months) November 3, 2015
I'm home alone with the Halloween candy. This is not going to end well.— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) November 2, 2015
I find that hiding Halloween candy in a Weight Watchers box works exceptionally well. I'm going to see if I can fit wine in the box too.— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) November 6, 2015
Me: Hey! Your mom said no more Halloween candy today.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2015
3-year-old: *hands me a Snickers bar*
Me: I didn't see anything.
That magical hour when kids are asleep and parents can get to their Halloween candy unimpeded— Christina Anderson (@Xtina_Anderson) November 1, 2015
Sometimes you just have to throw away a few sheets of perfectly good printer paper so it can hide all the candy wrappers in your trash can.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 27, 2016
Six kids' worth of Halloween candy, & not a single York peppermint patty to be had.— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 31, 2015
It's like my neighbors don't even know me.
Wife hid the Halloween candy from me again. What she doesn't know is I have an empty snickers wrapper, a blood hound, and determination.— Jeff (@usermcuserface) October 31, 2016
Already ate half the Halloween candy. You're welcome trick-or-treaters for saving you from getting cavities. I'm a giver.— The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) October 28, 2015
Okay, it's time to separate all the Halloween candy from last night. Let's call this first pile, "Things Mommy Likes."— Julie@NextLifeNOKids (@NextLifeNOKids) November 1, 2015
I'm celebrating 7 consecutive years of eating all the Halloween candy before Halloween and having to go back and buy more. Cheers!— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 31, 2016
There's a hole deep inside me that can only be filled with candy I've stolen from my children.— The Balls of Cthulhu (@drinksmcgee) October 31, 2016