23 Tweets From Parents About Eating Halloween Candy

Parents 364 days a year: Don't take candy from strangers.

Parents on Halloween: Take candy from strangers. In the dark. And share with me.

— Walking With Spooks (@WalkingOutside) October 19, 2016

Used the flashlight on my iPhone to stealthily pillage my kids' Halloween candy. Like some kind of MomGyver, amirite?

I'm so sorry.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 6, 2015

I like to put the kids' Halloween candy into piles marked "acceptable, questionable & not even if this was the last drop of food on earth."

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) October 31, 2016

We're 4 weeks out from Halloween and I'm at peak anxiety that this will be the year my kids figure out how delicious peanut butter cups are.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 5, 2016

I've never pled the 5th more than I have about eating this year's Halloween candy.

— Karri-Leigh (@karri_leigh) November 4, 2015

Midnight raid on the leftover Halloween candy gave me a horrible realization: somehow I raised a lousy trick-or-treater.#wheredidigowrong

— Jillian Lauren (@jillylauren) November 22, 2015

My day: Steals piece of my kid's Halloween candy. Eats it. Puts wrapper in trash. Returns to trash can to hide wrapper under other trash.

— Mercedes Martinez (@MercedesLV) November 13, 2015

Me: Sorry, kids, but no touching the candy until Halloween.

Also me: [Hides in my office eating fistfuls of the Halloween candy.]

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 10, 2016

I told my son, "That's so weird the tooth fairy took the rest of your Halloween candy. I thought she was only interested in teeth."

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 24, 2015

What kind of Halloween candy pairs well with red wine? *asking for a friend*

— It'sReally10Months (@really10months) November 3, 2015

I'm home alone with the Halloween candy. This is not going to end well.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) November 2, 2015

I find that hiding Halloween candy in a Weight Watchers box works exceptionally well. I'm going to see if I can fit wine in the box too.

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) November 6, 2015

Me: Hey! Your mom said no more Halloween candy today.

3-year-old: *hands me a Snickers bar*

Me: I didn't see anything.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2015

That magical hour when kids are asleep and parents can get to their Halloween candy unimpeded

— Christina Anderson (@Xtina_Anderson) November 1, 2015

I'm going to need Halloween to come sooner. My kids' stash of candy is getting low on varieties that I prefer. #parenting

— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) October 23, 2015

Sometimes you just have to throw away a few sheets of perfectly good printer paper so it can hide all the candy wrappers in your trash can.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 27, 2016

Six kids' worth of Halloween candy, & not a single York peppermint patty to be had.

It's like my neighbors don't even know me.

— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 31, 2015

I’m proud of myself. I didn’t eat a single piece of my kids’ Halloween candy today that they noticed.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 9, 2020

Already ate half the Halloween candy. You're welcome trick-or-treaters for saving you from getting cavities. I'm a giver.

— The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) October 28, 2015

Okay, it's time to separate all the Halloween candy from last night. Let's call this first pile, "Things Mommy Likes."

— Julie@NextLifeNOKids (@NextLifeNOKids) November 1, 2015

I'm celebrating 7 consecutive years of eating all the Halloween candy before Halloween and having to go back and buy more. Cheers!

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 31, 2016

tfw you're trying to wfh and your kids' Halloween candy is just beckoning you from the other room

— Christina Anderson (@Xtina_Anderson) November 1, 2016

There's a hole deep inside me that can only be filled with candy I've stolen from my children.

— The Balls of Cthulhu (@drinksmcgee) October 31, 2016