The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 13, 2021
People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk
— nat (@ncm0611) March 13, 2021
shit! SHIT!! pic.twitter.com/d6MuYR4ILQ
— hunca munca (@spindlypete) March 18, 2021
I no longer get up to investigate strange noises. It’s whatever.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) March 14, 2021
whenever I feel highly anxious, I lay in bed for 5-6 hours and it does not help! Hope this helps 💕
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) March 15, 2021
When this is over and someone references the pandemic in casual conversation my plan is to pretend I have no idea what they're talking about and just sort of look puzzled and blankly stare.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 15, 2021
This is Piotr Patkowski, Poland’s deputy finance minister. He looks *extremely* like a 12-year-old playing dress up as a kid’s idea of a grown man. He’s 29. pic.twitter.com/KkCUsu3qMI
— Basia Cummings (@basialcummings) March 13, 2021
point to ANY white man & tell me theyre bon iver, id 100% believe it
— grovy mango 🥭 (@grovymango) March 15, 2021
people: good job
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) March 13, 2021
me: here are 3,405 reasons why i didn’t think it was a good job
this is my favourite piece of literary criticism of all time pic.twitter.com/mgssCzWbci
— chloe ellen (@chloellene) March 13, 2021
I feel like we need to bring back some biting insults. So far I have “dunce” and “numbskull” on the docket.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) March 16, 2021
my body: something hurts
— Haley Mlotek (@haleymlotek) March 16, 2021
me: oh no! what's wrong?
my body: it's a secret ;)
one year later and I still can’t believe they lost it this hard barely one week into the pandemic https://t.co/YIErhobf0o
— mulder it’s me, bailey 🛸 (@been_herde) March 13, 2021
I’m not ugly but if you see me on my moms fb then idk what to tell you 😭😭😭
— HYBRID™ (@HybridOriginal_) March 15, 2021
Thrilled to announce that I’ve given up
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) March 14, 2021
I miss walking out of a theater after watching a movie and feeling like i just got back to reality from another dimension
— 𝓡𝓸𝔃𝓪𝔂 😈 (@Luh_Scoop) March 16, 2021
explain Andy Milonakis to gen z, you can’t
— ashley ray (@theeashleyray) March 14, 2021
Its my momma being my biggest hype woman >> but also my biggest critique 😭 pic.twitter.com/RsvCJNAByJ
— Adrea💎 (@AdreaS99) March 15, 2021
*comes home from shopping*
— Lanaaa 💟 (@lanasnation) March 18, 2021
no one:
me: “ok I’ll show you what I got”🤣
me: it’s cold outside
— abby govindan (@abbygov) March 17, 2021
person from Chicago: I’m from Chicago