Kids often show a creative approach to the English language. From their malapropisms to their creative descriptors for everyday objects, children’s turns of phrase are adorable, comical and arguably at times superior to the dictionary-official terms.
Fortunately, parents often tweet about the names their kids come up with for different things, so we can all enjoy the originality. We’ve rounded up 45 funny tweets about what kids call things.
My oldest just called the Big Dipper the Giant Scooper and I'm never correcting him.
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) July 28, 2020
4 has been carrying a small notebook around all day. She opens it, writes small scribbles and quickly closes it back up.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) December 30, 2019
She’s calling it her “secret diarrhea” and maybe someday day I’ll correct her, but definitely not today.
My three-year-old son just asked me, “Can you take me to the Vampire State Building?”
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) July 16, 2014
my four year old daughter is calling geese “honkeys” and I should probably correct her but I won’t
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 27, 2020
My toddler calls gingerbread houses “garlic bread houses” and it’s super cute, and also garlic bread houses should definitely be a thing.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 15, 2020
My 5-year-old calls green Jolly Ranchers "lightsaber flavor."
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2017
At least she's on the Light Side.
My son called his shoe laces, “tyers”. 😂😂 he said “you’re stepping on my tyers” lmaooo. I mean they do get tied 😂😂
— Papolo (@PaperChaser_P) November 20, 2019
*5-year-old steals a sip of Lacroix*
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) February 16, 2021
“Ugh. I don’t know if I like this carba-naked water, mom.”
Last night my 4yo said a prayer for all the people in the world including "Africa, Asia and Syrup." From now on, I will be referring to Europe only as Syrup.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 1, 2020
My 3 year old likes eating ginger biscuits but calls them ninja biscuits and if I’m honest they taste a lot better
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) August 27, 2020
Love that my daughter calls her @Crocs "Dinos". I refuse to correct her.
— Brandi Riley | Peace, Love, Rest (@BrandiJeter) April 21, 2014
I can hear two children playing Marco Polo out in our building’s courtyard except they keep saying “Marco Polio”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) December 6, 2020
My friend’s 3 year old daughter asked her mom when she will stop watching the “map show”
— Laura Webb (@lalawebb) November 5, 2020
My 3yo just asked for Santa Milk, I had no idea what she meant, so I had her show me...
— Heather #BLM (@dishs_up) October 28, 2020
she meant egg nog.
She’s a genius!
Whenever I put my tough, manly Batman costume on, my 1-year-old calls me Bat Ma’am.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2017
I’m not sure how to feel about that.
The four-year-old calls M&Ms "Any Ms"
— 💀 damned sinker 💀 (@dansinker) January 4, 2020
My son referred to a Cabbage Patch Kid as a Watermelon Patch Kid, which is probably what kids called the knock-off my aunt made me in '85.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 6, 2016
My 5yo calls hand sanitizer “hanitizer” and all I’m saying is that we should give kids everywhere a chance to name things.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 13, 2020
My son referred to my nipples as "pickles" this morning, which is fine. He LOVES pickles, so I'm just glad he didn't bite them.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 26, 2013
My sons says cuddle up instead of huddle up and I would be way more into sports if they did this.
— Wendy Litner (@wendy_litner) February 22, 2021
My son referred to some lady’s cleavage as her “crack in the front” & I just can never unhear this now.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 12, 2018
Kiddo mispronounced the Beatle’s name as John Lemonade, and damn was it refreshing.
— Join the Cult of Amy. We have cookies. #BLM (@Froschauer_AF) February 16, 2021
8: mommy I want to study pastrami
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 28, 2020
Me: why pastrami specifically?
8: I’m just super interested in the stars
Me: astronomy you mean astronomy
8: pretty sure it’s pastrami
I find it magical that my daughter refers to the dust in her room as beautiful fluff.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) May 21, 2015
Magical & an excuse to not sweep for another day.
Just discovered my strangely puritanical 12yo daughter refers to shuttlecocks as ‘shuttle chickens’
— Karen Cole (@karlou) April 25, 2020
My son refers to the endzone as the "touchdown box" - I feel like we should all call it that from now on. #nfl
— Kelly Phillips Erb (@taxgirl) October 26, 2014
My 9 year old son calls a pain au chocolate a chocolate sausage roll & I don't think I've ever heard anything so perfect
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 20, 2020
My 5 year old called a disco ball a “beat ball” and I’m declaring that we all call it that from now on.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) December 12, 2019
My kid just called romaine lettuce “gross kale” so the next batch of humans is coming along nicely, thanks for asking.
— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) August 24, 2019
My 4-year-old calls our microwave "the pizza heater," and there's nothing to correct because she's right.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2019
As if I couldn't love her more, I've discovered my daughter refers to hay as animal grass.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 24, 2012
[in store]
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 20, 2019
4yo: daddy look it's the bitch!
Me: the what!?
4yo: bitch. [Points to the Grinch blowup]
Me: ohhh u mean the GRINch.
4yo: yea the bitch
Me: no dude..it's the GRRR-IN-CH
4yo: the bitch.
Me: ok.
My daughter calls exercise "exercide" and actually, I'm feeling it.
— Christina Evans (@cakevans) March 6, 2020
My daughter has been with me all day in my cubicle or, as she calls it, "Fartsville."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 5, 2017
I discovered that my 5yo daughter calls yellow highlighters "butter". I'm sorry if you just died of cuteness.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 23, 2012
3: Dick mint! Dick mint!
— 🎄♥️ Marissa 💚🎄 (@michimama75) December 17, 2019
My mom: um...what?!?
3: DICK MINT!
Me: *sigh* I taught her the word “predicament”. I’m so sorry.
my son calls a “twist” ice cream cone “striped ice cream” and anyone who corrects him will get my whole foot in their ass
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 18, 2019
2.5yo to our neighbor: "I have a lot of itchy nipples."
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) August 11, 2020
Me to neighbor: "Mosquito bites. He means mosquito bites."
My son kept asking me if I’ve ever had “cooked menoodles” and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what he was talking about. Finally realized he thought “ramen noodles” were “RAW menoodles.”
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 25, 2020
My Three Year Old says "peener" instead of peanut butter and I'm going to need this to be a thing forever spread the word.
— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) January 21, 2021
It's funny that my daughter calls bedtime "nap time". Lol ok if you wanna call it that
— Sunny (@FUCKHERFOLLOWME) July 11, 2013
My daughter says GOBBLE instead of GOOGLE and I'm not correcting that yet in case you wanted to feel like a better parent
— Claire Smith (@MinistryOfMum) April 17, 2013
My kid calls soy milk "soil milk". So cute.
— Elita (@ElitatheLibra) September 3, 2012
My 6 year old calls weekends, “week pauses”, and he’s not wrong 🤷🏻♂️
— Adam Elmore ☁️⚡ (@aeduhm) March 8, 2021
One twin calls the trampoline a jumpoline and the other one thinks ham sandwiches are called hamwiches, and this is why kids should be in charge of naming things
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) January 24, 2020
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