Honesty is an important value that most parents seek to instill in their kids. But sometimes in the chaos and exhaustion of parenthood, moms and dads tell a few little white lies.
At least they’re honest about the lying, though. Many people have tweeted about the funny fibs they’ve used to influence their children, and needless to say, their strategies have entertained and resonated.
Here are 40 funny tweets about the lies parents tell their kids. Enjoy!
Me: I try really hard to not lie to my kids— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 15, 2019
Also me: We can’t go to Disney world it’s locked
I’ve convinced my son that all toys come with their own unique batteries and when those batteries die, that toy dies with them— The Dad (@thedad) April 2, 2018
Yesterday I convinced my 6 year old son I could see his memories by looking into his ear directly at brain.— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) July 15, 2019
He was amazed talking about, “What else do you see mama?!” as I told him things we were both there for.
Parenting is fun
I've convinced my kids that they won't like Oreos because they're too spicy and that is why I should get some kind of parenting award.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 25, 2015
It's important to leave the house every day...— Northern Lights 🎄☃️🎅 (@PinkCamoTO) March 10, 2019
I lied to my child.
I convinced my kid the tooth fairy didn't come because she works every other night— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 26, 2017
Not sure if this is my best or worst moment of parenting
When the ice cream van plays music it's to let everyone know they've run out— Simon Rusbridge (@SimonRusbridge) September 25, 2017
I don't know what you're all complaining about. I just convinced my daughter it was bedtime at 4pm because the sun was going down.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) November 10, 2017
As long as we're all lying to our kids about this Santa thing, we should also tell them that only adults are allowed to eat Cap'n Crunch.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 7, 2018
Convinced my toddler there’s a game called “Put Daddy to Bed” where she pretends to put me to bed and I sleep. That’s probably my proudest accomplishment as a parent.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 27, 2018
Just convinced my 3-year-old daughter that hummus is princess food. #lying #parenting— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 6, 2013
Kid, struggling with tying his shoes.— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 9, 2017
"Don't cry. It's not the end of the world," I lied.
Toddler: Daddy I want toast.— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) January 23, 2019
Me: ok, buddy. Here’s some toast.
Toddler: I don’t like butter on my toast
Me: (flips toast over to the dry side and hands it back) There ya go.
Toddler: Thanks Daddy!
Toddlers are dumb. Take advantage of it while you can.#Dadlife
Me to my kids: Lying is a bad choice, we don’t lie.— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 19, 2019
Also me to my kids: McDonald’s doesn’t sell toys at breakfast.
Thanks to autoplay and well-time theatrics, my kid's convinced I can use magic to start his cartoons.— dadpression (@Dadpression) June 17, 2017
3yo: Santa doesn't wear underwear!— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 25, 2013
Me: EVERYONE wears underwear!
I probably shouldn't have lied to my son on Christmas Eve.
How do I convince my kids that it’s actually NOON Years Eve?— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 28, 2017
"Those mean boys are just jealous of you," I lied to my son who recently decided to wear a cape to school.— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) February 8, 2015
Just lied/told my 4 year old son that Halloween is like everyone's second birthday party. If you see/meet him just pay along. Thanks— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 12, 2015
Our 8yo was nervous about school after missing over a week following surgery.— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) April 5, 2019
It’s because she’s worried all her friends will have moved on without her.
I told her that’s called “Fear of Missing Out”, and it’s no big deal.
So basically I lied. 🤦🏻♂️#FOMO #TheStruggleIsReal
My kid said it was 4:20 &my brain from 13yrs ago made me yell “blaze it!” &then I lied &said I yelled “raisins!” but yeah I’ll drive carpool— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) October 4, 2017
My son and I spent 10 minutes looking for his chocolate coins when I knew all along I’d eaten them the day before 😳— Mandy Green (@MandyGreens) September 25, 2017
As a joke, I convinced my 5yo that she's allergic to popsicles, in case you were wondering how dark and twisted my sense of humor is.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 24, 2017
I got tired of waiting for the toaster, so I convinced my kids to eat something called "cold toast."— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 25, 2018
It's now their favorite breakfast food.
I've peaked as a parent.
I feel like a lot of adults are lying to kids about how good their crappy art is.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 7, 2017
You can admire something without wanting it.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) November 18, 2015
-me, lying to my kids
Daddy cannot hear when it is dark. Call mummy if you wake up at night.— Lee Cooper (@Leecooper74) September 25, 2017
Actually worked till my wife found out.
Trying to convince my four year old the crossfitters at our park are ninjas.— dadpression (@Dadpression) April 14, 2018
"Pizza doesn't make you happy." - me lying to my kids— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) August 12, 2014
Kids have to know their parents full names on the first day of school.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2016
I can't wait.
I convinced my 4-year-old my middle name is Danger.
we live next to a public park; I got a year of telling my kid that ice cream trucks were "music trucks"— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) January 23, 2018
50% of life as a Dad is picking your kids up when they fall— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) November 13, 2016
The other 50% is lying when they ask if you farted in a busy aisle at the store
My kids wouldn't eat Brussel sprouts however, they cleared the plates of baby cabbages 👍👍— Gavin Heath (@geath81) September 25, 2017
I just lied to my kids. I told them breakfast is the most important meal of the day and we all known that’s total b.s. Dessert is.— Baby Sideburns (@BabySideburns) May 3, 2014
I convinced my kids that Daylight Savings means we go to bed early so we can save some daylight for the rest of the world. Sharing is caring y’all.— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) November 3, 2019
My 5 year old hasn't said a word in the car after I convinced him that the volume control on our stereo ejects his car seat.— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) June 19, 2013
I told my boy that the store wouldn't sell me diapers anymore so he'd have to use the potty.— Rosanne Giza (@thefluffa) September 25, 2017
3-year-old: Why don’t you have friends?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2014
Me: My awesomeness intimidates people
3: Do you smell bad?
Lying to kids is harder than it sounds
About 30% of being a parent is lying to your kids about how good the crap they make looks and/or tastes.— Sara (@smilely_gal) January 18, 2015
Downside of teaching my kids to read: Now they know when I'm lying to them.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 23, 2014