It often feels like time has lost all meaning in this new at-home reality amid the COVID-19 pandemic. So instead of counting days and weeks, many are tracking their quarantine journeys in terms of stages.
Or at least they’re joking about doing so on Twitter. We’ve rounded up 40 funny tweets that sum up the various stages of quarantine ― from the experimental haircut phase to the watching Christmas movies phase.
I’m at the watching Christmas movies stage of quarantine
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) May 4, 2020
I have reached the "cleaning old paint cans out of the garage" stage of quarantine.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) April 26, 2020
I’m at the “Zillowing my ancestors’ addresses from their census forms to see if the buildings are still there” stage of quarantine.
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) April 22, 2020
Reached that stage of quarantine where I’m seriously considering curling my hair with socks
— Gemma Styles is staying at home (@GemmaAnneStyles) May 1, 2020
Reached the stage of quarantine where I downloaded a bird identification app to my phone.
— Julie Vick (@vickjulie) May 14, 2020
At the stage of quarantine where my wife finds my water cup selection annoying
— Tommy Vietor (@TVietor08) May 10, 2020
I’ve reached the “hey kids I’m making you the BEST most dEliCioUs thing in the world, a traditional recipe passed down from my ancestors!” phase of quarantine and it’s sour cream w/ liptons onion soup mix
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) April 2, 2020
I’m at the stage of quarantine where I experience the revelation that Mrs Bennet was the Kris Jenner of the 19th century
— Kaitlin Byrd: Apocalypse Diarist (@GothamGirlBlue) March 25, 2020
Update: My daughter has hit this phase of quarantine. I feel many of us have as well. pic.twitter.com/5eHN2x4UPH
— Abed A. Ayoub (@aayoub) May 5, 2020
“Which makes more sense: today is tomorrow’s yesterday? Or today is yesterday’s tomorrow?”
— Amy Shearn (@amyshearn) April 11, 2020
My kids have reached the “stoner at a party” stage of quarantine
To be honest we got to the “re-arrange furniture to see how it looks” stage of quarantine a lot faster than I expected.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 18, 2020
Now entering the "experimenting with horseradish" phase of quarantine.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) March 30, 2020
I’ve reached “I shaved my kid’s head cuz he asked” stage of quarantine
— Jennifer Gunter (@DrJenGunter) April 1, 2020
Anyone at this stage of quarantine yet? pic.twitter.com/8uA6Pnw9sK
— Ana Bretón (@missbreton) May 18, 2020
I’ve reached the I Am Cleaning My Makeup Brushes phase of the apocalypse
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) April 1, 2020
Well. I'm at the I just shaved my legs and armpits with an electric beard trimmer stage of quarantine.
— Anna Hopkins (@AnnaBananaHops) May 20, 2020
I’m at the sit in the car to get out of the house phase of quarantine.
— Melanie Trump (@noradaexploraa) April 22, 2020
I've reached the stage of quarantine where I can't tell if the eyelid twitching is too much coffee, too much homeschooling or not enough alcohol.
— Northern Lights 🐢🦕🦖 (@PinkCamoTO) May 16, 2020
I’ve reached the:
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 23, 2020
Going into my closet and telling my clothes I miss them
stage of quarantine.
i've reached the 'photoshopping rihanna into a car with david lynch' phase of quarantine pic.twitter.com/v7GzHc4aKH
— Mira Gonzalez (@miragonz) March 17, 2020
This is corny. But I miss the club. What stage of quarantine chaos is this
— quinta brunson (@quintabrunson) April 23, 2020
I have passed the cutting bangs stage and moved right into the considering a home perm stage of quarantine. Get on my level.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 21, 2020
The gourmet home-cooking phase of quarantine was fun but now we're kinda pic.twitter.com/d0KxVi5GIy
— Stephanie Wyeld (@steph_the_twit) April 14, 2020
I’ve reached the “My Kid Had to Interview Me About My Childhood For a School Project and I Cried” phase of quarantine.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) May 1, 2020
I reached the “I actually watched everyone’s IG stories” stage of isolation.
— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) April 26, 2020
What stage of quarantine are you at, me I’m wearing a foofy bathrobe 24/7, drinking everything out of a champagne flute, calling the house spiders “dahling” in a transatlantic accent
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) April 1, 2020
My husband: explaining why a bumper buoy wouldn't fix a hole in a boat
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) April 12, 2020
Me: Really, THIS is the first concern you have with Paw Patrol?
What stage of quarantine is this?
I have reached the toddler stage of quarantine. NO SHIRT
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) May 15, 2020
What stage of quarantine is it when you want to burn all the furniture in your house and just sit in an empty room
— Lights (@lights) May 16, 2020
I’m at the “Ironing Bandanas Before I Fold Them Into Face Masks” stage of quarantine.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) April 4, 2020
I am approaching the “I wash myself with a rag on a stick” stage of quarantine.
— Kalvonavirus (@KalvinMacleod) March 30, 2020
I’m at the ‘just ordered headbands from an instagram ad while lying on my back in the middle of the floor’ stage of quarantine.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 5, 2020
i think im at the stage of quarantine where i dye my hair pink
— joanna kuchta (@pixiejoanna) April 6, 2020
I’ve reached the licking butter straight off the counter-top phase of the apocalypse
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) April 7, 2020
i see we're at the stage of quarantine where our exes are reentering our lives by texting us frank ocean lyrics. no, just me??
— Krystie Lee Yandoli (@KrystieLYandoli) May 8, 2020
We've reached the kids-are-asking-to-drive-to-Iowa-and-back-for-no-reason stage of self-isolation.
— Abraham Piper (@abrahampiper) April 10, 2020
unfortunately it seems one of the group chats has reached the "erotic succession fanfic" stage of self-isolation
— Estelle Tang (@waouwwaouw) March 19, 2020
Reached the ‘i have an actual dog on my head’ stage of lockdown hair
— Phil Lester (@AmazingPhil) May 20, 2020
A Facebook friend said she didn’t understand the appeal of Parasite and I unfriended her in case you’re wondering what stage of this quarantine I’m on.
— Kristen Mei Chase (@thatkristen) April 14, 2020
I know I'm about a month and a half late, but I've finally reached the straight-out-of-the-pot phase of quarantine dining.
— Quarantine Green (@akilahgreen) May 12, 2020
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