A shared sense of humor is one of the keys to a long and happy marriage.
To that end, we've collected 26 hilariously relatable tweets that will make perfect sense to husbands and wives.
Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
Wife: But I only...
Me: EXACTLY the amount
keeping our marriage fresh/exciting via texts pic.twitter.com/XB3dktiSnA
— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) January 16, 2016
*breaks toaster*
— ReeseButCallMeV (@ReeseButCallMeV) January 21, 2016
*calls husband*
"So. When did you break the toaster?!"
If at first you don't succeed maybe your wife will just do it for you from now on like that time I loaded the dishwasher.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 22, 2015
Marriage is basically just whispering, "Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video."
— Mel Evans (@mel_evans) February 22, 2016
The best thing about being married is having someone who can tell you if something is disgusting or not...
— Boyd's Backyard (@TheBoydP) February 24, 2016
Marriage is basically agreeing to not sleep in a comfortable position again for the rest of your life.
— ⚡️QUΞΞN ΔLΔNΔ⚡️ (@AlanaRockz) November 16, 2015
You pee too loud.
— KC of TX (@kcmoore51) February 12, 2016
- Marriage
Today's my husband's birthday, so...
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) January 29, 2016
*flips coin to see if I should shave above the knee*
[runs to the door to greet wife]
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) February 28, 2016
I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident involving all the things you asked me to do today.
Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 30, 2015
Marriage is basically just texting each other "Idk" when asked about dinner until one of you finally says "fuck it, let's go to Chili's".
— The Fantastic Mr.Fox (@Camel_Crushin) January 9, 2016
[rolls over in bed and whispers to wife]
— Rocky Momax (@rockymomax) February 16, 2016
"I ate like 75 chicken nuggets today"
Me: Wait, so it's cool for you to use my phone charger but I can't touch yours?
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) January 28, 2016
Wife: Correct.
It's 3pm and my husband and I are still sitting in bed waiting for the other to get up and make coffee this morning.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 14, 2015
Wife: You pick dinner.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016
Me: Pizza.
Wife: No.
Me: Tacos.
Wife: No.
Me: Subs.
Wife: No.
Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
Wife: It's up to you.
99% of my marriage is discussing whether cats can smile or not.
— Brownie (@mrs_kwb) November 6, 2015
Marriage is like coffee. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you get off your ass and do things.
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) February 10, 2016
Marriage Morning Ritual Year One: *kiss*. I love you!
— Stacey Sordahl (@DrunkAtThePTA) February 25, 2016
Year Five: Have a great day! *air kiss*
Year Ten: Grunt; stumbles out the door.
Marriage is essentially just having somebody who you can have regular conversations with while one or both of you are stark naked.
— lauren robinson (@laurenjoyness) September 15, 2015
me *starts head banging during Bohemian Rhapsody*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 18, 2016
wife: You just missed our exit
i'll have the chicken finger platter & my lovely wife will have
— Mr. Peel (@Rlpihl) November 19, 2015
*hands over coupon
something of equal or lesser value
My wife messaged me to say she's excited to have barbecue ribs with me tonight, so I made sure to compliment her sexting skills.
— Myles Morrison (@myles_morrison) July 31, 2015
When my husband asks me where I want to eat, I always say, "Somewhere good." And then reject every one of his suggestions. I'm a delight.
— Bossy Britches (@BossyBritches72) September 1, 2014
ME: [wearing donuts as glasses] did u just call me immature
— Rocky Momax (@rockymomax) February 2, 2016
WIFE: yes
ME: [removes donuts & tries to clean with shirt] your moms immature
Me: I'm exhausted.
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) February 16, 2016
Husband: Didn't you take a 2 hour nap?
Me: What do you mean by that?