When it comes to putting a fresh spin on the English language, perhaps no one is more creative than children.
At least parents seem to think so. Twitter is filled with countless examples of kids’ malapropisms and bizarre turns of phrase, and they’re all endlessly entertaining.
We’ve rounded up 35 hilarious and adorable tweets from parents about what their children call things. Enjoy!
My son called the butter shelf in the fridge the dairy penthouse and there is no other name for it now.— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 25, 2022
My toddler just walked by saying ‘cinnamon bitch’ over and over, and I felt attacked until I realized he meant ‘son of a bitch.’ Crisis averted.— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 4, 2022
My kid just learned “uh oh spaghettios” but he keeps forgetting and is yelling “oh no noodles” instead— meghan (@deloisivete) November 1, 2022
My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 19, 2022
My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some “cock & balls”. After giving him a blank stare he said “I want white fluffy cock & balls” and omg I’ve never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor.— Bre (@fullofmomsense) July 18, 2022
11 year old: Daddy, I heard a new song called Bohemian Raspberry, do you know it?— threetimedaddy 🇺🇦 (@threetimedaddy) April 5, 2021
my kid just called fog “ghost water” and now that's its new name— an engy human 👻 (@English_Channel) October 28, 2022
all day my six year old told people we attended a “bathtism” this weekend and i find no reason to correct her whatsoever— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 23, 2022
My daughter described my bra as a grown up Pop It and I may never stop laughing— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 4, 2022
My 5 year old says “is anything ok?” instead of “is everything ok?” and somehow that really captures the zeitgeist right now.— Matt Stenovec (@mattsteno) January 10, 2022
My kid recently discovered double stuffed Oreos and now he refers to regular ones as “Diet Oreos”.— The Dad (@thedad) June 3, 2022
My 6-year-old called wheat crackers "weed crackers," and this charcuterie board just got a lot more interesting.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2021
My toddler calls allowance “aplowance” and if you correct her, you’re dead to me— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 3, 2022
My 9 yo just came downstairs and said he and his 7yo brother were playing a game they called doggy style.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 18, 2022
They were dressing up our dog in different clothes. I almost died.
6 calls exclamation points “yell marks” so now we are all calling them that.— Marissa 💚🦃💛 (@michimama75) July 30, 2022
My kid just referred to a napkin as a “Dunkin’ wiping thing,” so no, we don’t do a lot of fine dining— meghan (@deloisivete) August 30, 2022
My daughter was so excited to show me her whore keychain which was quite concerning until I realized she was saying horror. Horror keychain.— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 5, 2022
We brought "Babe" and "Charlotte's Web" to watch in the car. Or, as my 2yo calls them, "Babe" and "other Babe."— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 4, 2016
Our youngest daughter calls stockings “Sock Pants” and it’s somehow more fitting 💀— There’s STILL some Horrors in this House (@JazzyfrizzleVo) November 13, 2022
My 1 yo calls dandelions “blow” which is cute until I’m prying open her mouth pleading with her to not eat the blow.— Daisy (@Daisyldoo) May 4, 2021
my daughter has confused the name for the school halloween activity calling it trick or trunk and now it’s starting to sound more like a kidnapping than a fun outing to get candy— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 26, 2022
My son calls the playground “gang-ground” 😂😂😂— Najia Buckley (@NajiaBuckley) November 10, 2022
My 6yo tells me to drive faster by saying— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 3, 2022
MOM break the law do speed!
No one correct her.
my almost 3-year-old daughter calls roller skates “skate boots” and honestly i think that’s the better name.— David Weinfeld (@daveweinfeld) November 12, 2022
Someone bought me squeezy balls and my 12 year old calls them— Sarah Moorhead - Author ✒️ (@semoorhead) November 12, 2022
I just found out my four year old calls pizza sauce “blood cheese”.— 🌹🌹CityUte 🌹🌹 (@bryanth2o) November 13, 2022
I’ve been sad lately about the fact my kids are getting older and no longer toddlers. Then my 5 year old calls Skunks “Forest Kittys” and Chia Seeds “Cheetah Seeds” and I realize they are still so small.— illjay (@bcuzthenight) November 9, 2022
3yo now likes to play the “plano”, and anyone who corrects this adorable mistake will find a plano dropped on their head— MikeUnderscoreDadJokes (@correspundit) October 26, 2022
The movie:— The Momster Club (@MomsterClub) January 16, 2022
Or what my 3 yo calls it:
My five year old refers to the doctor as, “the body dentist.”— Lish McBride (@LishMcBride) November 15, 2019
My 3 yo calls raspberries "finger hats."— Dr. Courtney Boen, PhD, MPH (@CourtneyBoen) January 31, 2022
My 2 yo calls all meats Bacon and this is the fantasy world I want to live in.— DocBLaw (@DocBLaw) August 18, 2021
My 5 year old refers to ear wax as ear guts and everyone in our home knows if anyone ever corrects him they will be in serious trouble with me.— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) July 26, 2018
Really enjoying the fact that my four year old refers to all cacti as "sharpies".— dadpression (@Dadpression) June 10, 2018