Ready to throw in the towel on your dating life? Twitter can relate.
Below, 28 tweets that capture the hell that is being a single person in 2018 ― awkward first dates, lowered expectations, unsolicited dick pics and all.
When I was young I wanted to be married by 23. Let’s all laugh together
— ♔ (@bitchingqueeen) August 31, 2018
I'm not a player I just crush a lot—
— wittyidiot (@stephenszczerba) May 21, 2018
and by that I mean I develop intense, unhealthy and crippling emotional attachments for people who don’t know I exist
Me: I want to feel a love so powerful, I’ll shout it from the rooftops
— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) December 21, 2017
Also me: I broke up with him because he wanted to hold my hand in public
Unsolicited dick pics are not impressive, please send unsolicited money instead. Thank you.
— Kara (@thedryginger) September 17, 2018
hobbies include swiping through tinder without ever messaging anyone as an alternative to actual intimacy or vulnerability
— rose 🦇 (@lleuadau) February 6, 2018
[fourth date]
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) September 17, 2018
Her: imagine dating someone for a while and finding out they wear socks to bed lmao
Me: (wears jeans to bed) ha ha ha
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my all consuming obsession with true crime, the occult and unexplained mysteries
— Kiss Me Kate (@KatieBurnett) July 22, 2018
There’s nothing like the feeling of meeting someone new & hitting it off, and then fantasizing about all the different & exciting ways you’re going to mess it up
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) July 24, 2018
Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked while trying to find new people to see you naked.
— jilly hendrix (@jillyhendrix) January 22, 2018
The Bachelor but it’s me putting a rose on which piece of pizza i’d like to eat
— content provider (@cwhudson) August 8, 2018
[skydiving on 1st date]
— Terry F (@daemonic3) March 5, 2018
ME: [shouting] Hey, I guess we're really "falling" for each other lol
HER: [continues falling and never opens chute]
i always see couples holding hands but how do you become part of a couple? do you just leave your hand out and if someone holds it, you’re a couple
— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) September 4, 2018
I sexually identify as a microwave dinner because I’m ready in 5 minutes but don’t look anything like my photos.
— Lisa Marie 🏳️🌈 (@xLiserx) October 7, 2017
Dry and flaky on the outside, full of butter on the inside. Am I describing a croissant or...myself? Hello, and welcome to my dating profile
— erin chack (@ErinChack) December 14, 2016
[First date]
— Olive Gravy (@offbeatoliv) March 25, 2018
Me: i can’t believe this is a date
Therapist: no, no it’s not
This morning, I guy I had never met leaned over me on the subway and said, "Hannah?" When I stared blankly, he added, "I saw you on two dating apps!"
— Hannah Orenstein (@hannahorens) December 12, 2017
me: [offers to pay for date like a gentleman] just one check please
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) April 24, 2018
drive-thru intercom: ok
I slept with this guy who works at Netflix, which was pretty cool because afterwards he recommended other guys I may also like sleeping with.
— leah knauer (@LeahKnauer) January 29, 2018
FRIEND: Women like when you're honest with them.
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) January 25, 2018
ME: Okay.
[later on date]
HER: So tell me about yourself.
ME: *leans in close* I didn't bring any money.
dating me is like biting into an oatmeal raisin cookie and realizing it’s chocolate chip and then realizing two hours later it was also an edible
— Lauren Chanel Allen (@MichelleHux) July 23, 2018
her: are you free this weekend?
— The Hypo (@TheHyyyype) August 12, 2018
me: are any of us really ever free in a society run by corporate overlords who profit off our labor?
her: uuhhhh maybe next weekend
All my friends are getting married and I’m over here hoarding Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons because I can’t sleep with the same pillow for 6 months.
— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) September 20, 2018
DATE: So how long have you lived here?
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) September 5, 2018
ME: *dramatically slams the menu on the table* I don't live in the restaurant, Claudia
who needs a boyfriend when i have my bank account to keep going down on me
— 𝑨 (@dogparkbabe) December 22, 2017
When men ask you out, you say no, and they demand an explanation: buddy what is this, high school gym class, do I need to hand you a note from my mom like "sorry Isabel is excused from dating random men on the bus today"
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) February 3, 2018
UberEats is way more of a successful dating app than Tinder because it can bring you delicious food you already love which won’t make weird comments
— content provider (@cwhudson) September 13, 2018
“Why you ain’t text me back”
— Morgan for HOCO. (@unbotheredbliss) October 2, 2017
First of all experiment 623 you’re not my man, relax.
If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it’s prob bc they went on a bunch of tinder dates and realize everyone is garbage.
— dizzle_saint_james (@Ummhowaboutno_) October 23, 2017
