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Is Twitter Bad For Comedy? No.

Twitter is a beautiful haven for everyone to make jokes about everything all the time to everyone in the whole world.
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Is Twitter bad for Comedy? That's like asking if peanut butter is bad for jelly, or if peanut butter is bad for comedy. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: peanut butter is great for jelly. Statistically, it's America's leading cause of a case of the YUMS! (Second leading cause: Type-II Diabetes.) I guess what I'm really trying to say is, Twitter is GREAT for comedy. I guess that's why it's called the "peanut butter of comedy"!

The character limits of Twitter mean that a writer has to be lean and choosy with their words. These restrictions ultimately lead to snappier, punchier, creativier jokes. See what I mean? As someone who's been on Twitter for over a year, my lithe mind is able to invent whimsical words like "creativier" and "Type-II Diabetes"! Wow! What a site!

Additionally, there's a competition element to Twitter, which leads to better comedy, faster. Thousands of professional writers and comics, as well as regular old funny men, women, and Jews, are on there, vying with each other to make the best quip. Imagine if people all over the world, professional and amateur, could challenge Serena Williams to a tennis-off. She wouldn't be like she is now, constantly hitting foul balls and sitting on her ASS eating a pie made of cakes. She'd be WORKING DOUBLE-TIME to make sure she was the best damn tennis player on the rink. Side note: I may not understand the sports. My idea of what tennis is consists of a fever dream I once had about a Wheaties Box.

Also, Twitter is just plain ol' entertaining! Excuse me, that's "plain old entertaining." Twitter is instantly consumable at a time that us 21st century young people need more and more immediate forms of entertainment. There's only so many times I can watch DVR-ed episodes of Charlie Rose (our generation's Craig Ferguson) and host dogfight matinees. Twitter is a 24/7-comedy ticker. And because of that, the opportunity to feast on really funny jokes in copious amounts never stops. Anything that presents a greater opportunity for comedy to be consumed is good for the field. Remember that stuff I said about peanut butter? Good times!

Twitter is egalitarian. While I initially thought this word meant "the ice cream flavor that has chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry all next to each other," my parole officer ASSURES me it means "accessible by all." Twitter can be used by anyone: young or old, short or not-Ryan-Seacrest, gay or not-Ryan-Seacrest. Which means you're going to be able to find well-crafted jokes by people who never would have had an audience before. Sure, you might have to sift through a bunch of garbage to get to the good stuff, but anyone who's ever sifted through garbage knows: it's worth it for the gems! Also, worth it because garbage still might have some good half-PB&Js in there! You never know! I once found a human's tooth!

Twitter is a beautiful haven for everyone to make jokes about everything all the time to everyone in the whole world. No boundaries, no rules -- a veritable greenhouse of comedic zeitgeist (just invented that sweet-ass word, no big). And if loving Twitter's wrong, I don't want to be fat.