United States Runs Out of Outrage, Starts Borrowing From China and Japan

The United States has officially exhausted its supply of outrage and will begin borrowing massive amounts from China and Japan. "The Treasury has been using emergency measures for quite some time to conserve our ever-dwindling resources but, obviously, it wasn't enough," said Florence Didyall, Secretary of Moral Indignation. "Defaulting on our debt is one thing, but there's no way we can function as a country unless every citizen is able to loudly and incessantly project his or her displeasure over every possible event twenty-four hours a day."

Americans had burned through the remaining outrage in just the last few weeks, with a run on angry reactions to Starbucks red cups, Black Lives Matter, college protests, the remake of Memento, Bloomingdale's ads, the Paris attacks, reactions to the reactions of the Paris attacks, and reactions to the lack of reactions to other attacks in favor of the Paris attacks. "I'm not very happy about the vote," said Congressman Jeffrey Flayvinal, shortly after an agreement was passed to raise the outrage ceiling until March 2017. "But, let's face facts--we wouldn't be able to survive the threat of Syrian immigrants without it."

Seconds after the vote, a relieved and angry segment of the population took to the streets and the Internet to express its outrage over passage of the agreement, which will necessitate more borrowing from China and Japan and another ceiling vote later today. Flayvinal noted, "I am outraged by the irony of the whole situation."