The Blog

Unrequited Love -- The Spiritual Formula for Moving On

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

2015-11-02-1446443521-2144500-sLIFEAFTERDIVORCEsmall.jpg

Dear Diana,

How do I get over losing the love of my life?
I am heartbroken and don't think I will ever be over it.
Please help.

Yours truly,
Unrequited Love

Dear Unrequited Love,

You had the right idea. You loved so deeply that you didn't know how to stop loving.

Is that a bad thing? To never stop loving? For truly, how do we love someone deeply and completely, and then never think of that person again? When we love with our whole heart that means that we are emotionally, spiritually, and physically engaged. Is it really possible to just simply -- on the turn of a calendar page -- not care any longer?

When your heart truly unites with someone, there are so many strings that connect you: friends, family, experiences, holidays, vacations, dreams, memories, and all of the million moments that you have lived together.

Relationship is where we can experience the most personal growth, the most quickly. It's like an accelerated course on self-awareness. And... one the greatest gifts that a relationship produces is the opportunity to learn ourselves better through the dynamism our interpersonal connection, and from the day-to-day, give and take of a sincere and deep exchange.

If it happens that our relationship doesn't work out, there is still so much to have gained by having been in it. Every relationship we engage in in has a lesson for us. You discover new things about yourself: what you want, what you need, what you like, what you don't like, and who we are! And from these experiences you learn, better and better, what is good for you, and what is not so good for you. From this profound intertwining of lives, we grow and change in a thousand ways.

In order to move on, you need to appreciate all that you have learned, and realize that it wasn't just a waste of time, nor kick yourself for loving in the first place. You just get yourself up and brush yourself off, and realize that this unique intertwining of lives brought you many gifts.

So, my advice, dear Unrequited, is to first, rest and recover from the shock and the loss of it. Then, practice self-compassion as you, breath-by-breath, thought-by-thought, heal your heart. As you become stronger you will start to understand better and better what actually happened in all its complexity, and in its simplicity. And soon enough, you will be able to experience compassion for both of you.

So, here is the spiritual formula that will free your heart and let you move on in your life.

1. Every time you think of your past partner, say a little prayer in your heart and wish them well.
2. Then, wish yourself well.
3. Finally, imagine blowing a little dandelion as you set each other free.

From a spiritual standpoint, it is always right to love -- and, to risk loving again. Even if it all falls apart, it is right to open our hearts again. Will we be hurt again in love? Probably. But the fact THAT we love, is always right.

The heart is more resilient than you know.

Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION -- www.DianaLang.com