Kelsey Grammer told CNN host Piers Morgan that his "parting gift" to his third wife Camille was her role in the reality series The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. He continued by stating, "Whether or not it worked well for her doesn't matter, it was my way of saying look, you always wanted to be famous. Here you go." Grammer also commented on his ex-wife's motives for marrying him and her efforts in making it difficult for him to see their two children.
The couples' public divorce, which has been played out in scenes on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, has been anything but amicable. Fans of the show have watched and sympathized with Camille as it appears that she was the good little wife who managed and took care of their staff, numerous homes, and two children only to be cheated on and left for a younger woman. Those following Kelsey's perspective hear a whole different story. We may never know the truth of what really destroyed their marriage but one thing for sure is that the residue of the bitter anger continues to not only affect each of their lives, but their children's as well.
Unfortunately, their story is not so unique.
Most people are aware of the unnerving divorce rate that is permeating our society today. Some statistics show that it may be as high as sixty-five percent in second marriages and even higher for third and fourth marriages. Unfortunately, families with children make up a large proportion of these statistics; two out of three marriages ending in divorce have children in the home. While we're aware of the statistics, the destructive aftermath that ensues in the lives of the former couple and their children often goes untold.
When a couple divorces and leaves unresolved anger on the table they are signing up for years of continued heartbreak, stress, aggravation, and emotional pain. Grammer himself referenced this fact in his interview on CNN when he spoke about his new wife and how difficult his divorce with Camille has been on their relationship.
Unresolved anger after a divorce is toxic. It builds up into bitter resentment and even vengeance. The children are the ones who end up suffering the most, especially when feuding ex's use them as pawns and weapons to play out their issues against one another.
So where does this unresolved anger come from? How can a couple who were once so enchanted and in love with one another end up in such a hateful and venomous place? It usually boils down to these basic elements: hurt feelings, bruised egos, dashed expectations, and broken dreams. The impact of these elements, although basic, left unhealed becomes noxious and destructive.
The only answer is for each of the parties to find their way to forgiveness. This does not mean they excuse past abusive or unacceptable behaviors but it does mean that from this point on, they deal with their feelings and stop acting them out towards one another. As they forgive their former partner and themselves for mistakes made, they are able to move forward unburdened with the chains of anger and vengeance. They will be able to re-build a new life, find fulfillment, avoid any further damage to their children's psychological and emotional well-being, and hopefully, become deeper and richer individuals.
