1. Bake Someone Happy.
A cookie cutter that'll give grandma a stroke.
2. Pump Up Your Smartphone
The best way to get her to put the phone down during Valentine's dinner.
3. A Book Written By The Male Gene
What makes this 150-page book so special? All the pages are BLANK.
4. The Line That Got Cut From Jerry McGuire
What Tom Cruise should have said to Renee Zellweger.
5. Ribbit Ribbit!
If he doesn't work out there's always the piranha tank.
5. Let's Get Schwasted!
What's Valentine's Day without a glass of red wine. Or two or three or seven?
6. A Handful Of Love
Foam isn't the only thing that'll rise from this glass.
7. I Heart You
8. Wiggle It Just A Little Bit
Michael Alvear is the author of Book of Things Better Than Blow Jobs and blogs at the portion control blog, Eatitlater.net