Valentine's Day Gifts Guaranteed To Crack You Up.

1. Bake Someone Happy.


A cookie cutter that'll give grandma a stroke.

2. Pump Up Your Smartphone


The best way to get her to put the phone down during Valentine's dinner.

3. A Book Written By The Male Gene


What makes this 150-page book so special? All the pages are BLANK.

4. The Line That Got Cut From Jerry McGuire


What Tom Cruise should have said to Renee Zellweger.

5. Ribbit Ribbit!


If he doesn't work out there's always the piranha tank.

5. Let's Get Schwasted!

What's Valentine's Day without a glass of red wine. Or two or three or seven?

6. A Handful Of Love


Foam isn't the only thing that'll rise from this glass.

7. I Heart You


You'll have him eating out of your hand.

8. Wiggle It Just A Little Bit


Hear-shaped pasta. Now that's amore!

Michael Alvear is the author of Book of Things Better Than Blow Jobs and blogs at the portion control blog,