Vipassana: The Ultimate Life Hack

Vipassana: The Uli
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Today I eschew the norm of bitesize social media brevity and write in depth about a sorely underutilized technique for the happiness of all. In lieu of profundity, I begin with a cliché: I saw the light. Truly. Not only metaphorically, but literally. After ten days of meditating ten hours a day with a complete vow of noble silence with no reading, writing, gesticulating or technology allowed, I felt wave after wave of light downloaded into me. I literally saw a path and way forward, how I want to lead life. It was experientially the most incredible, beautiful and yet natural experience. Vipassana, a 2,500-year-old Indian meditative technique means to see things as they really are. Cultivated by Gautama Buddha, the former Rajput prince turned monk’s insights were numerous but chiefly amongst them were the concepts that all things consist of Anicca (impermanence), that all matter arise and fall away with the eternal understanding this too shall change and that it is our craving or aversion to these attachments that lead to Dukkha (unsatisfactoriness, pain).

The tales of why and how people find Vipassana are always voyeuristically interesting, many an explanation came tumbling out at torrential speed the minuet the gong sounded indicating the end of the tenth and last day of meditative sitting. Unlike my seventeen or so peers that spanned the world (Bavaria, Hungary, France, Hong Kong, China, United States, Malaysia, Spain) and converged at the retreat high in the hills of Penang, Malaysia, I was reluctant to go from zero to hundred (no silence to full on ‘noble chatter’) precisely because I knew what awaited when I re-entered the real world: inundation. For several years I had been accepted to Vipassana retreats and had made a plan to do the sitting yet some conference or fashion week always took precedence over ‘just silence’ which I mistakenly thought could be tapped into at anytime. Two things caused me to inform my university that I am embarking on mandatory spiritual field work: a soul crushing visit to family coupled with the experience of having my husband's brain wave signals measured by a head band not unlike a heart rate monitor in the midst of a hugely noisy and busy restaurant only to return outstanding levels of tranquility and equanimity, unequivocally a result of his four Vipassana retreats and daily practice.

A rather strict, dour Chinese lady who was to serve as course manager met me on the hill of what serves as a durian fruit plantation during season. She simply laid her hand out and signaled for me to give up my passport and mobile phone. I walked around the extremely sparse quarters, where seventeen girls would sleep en masse, bed after bed, separated only by curtains. The bathrooms were to diplomatically put it “rustic”, showers conducted by the cold-water bucket bath method and meals were simple and vegetarian with two meals per day with dinner consisting of tea and fruit at 5pm, eaten facing forward with no eye contact with others. I had completely taken the life of robes by egolessly accepting what was given to me in exchange for undergoing intense introspection. Taking this in, it dawned on me that trauma psychology work in West Africa felt like a holiday compared to the stark conditions of this spiritual prison. Not allowed access to the outside world with no calendar on hand, telling time became a precision art based on diligent observation of body clocks and natural surroundings. My wake ups and goodnights would have been indiscernible (4am & 9pm) if not differentiated by the piercing crow of roosters in the steppe villages below.

And then it began. An elderly wisened Chinese man, whose energy introduced himself far before his actual words did, led our meditations. With an uncanny resemblance to Master Shifu from the film Kung Fu Panda, so holy was his energy, one was reluctant to approach much less touch him. Entering Dhamma Hall (teaching of the Buddha/Path of Awareness), I signed a contract agreeing to uphold the precepts of Sila (moral conduct) which in itself does not liberate but rather lays a solid foundation in which to later gain Samadhi (concentration) and Panna (wisdom). In Sila, I uphold zero killing of any living creature, no stealing, refraining from sexual misconduct, no lies or incorrect speech (hence the silence) and zero intoxicating drugs or drinks (coffee included). We learn to solely focus on breath, specifically the triangular parameters of the area above the upper lip to right above the nostrils. I had been given instructions; I see others attempting it and I also know I can not leave so I start. My mind, with its usual speed of lightening tendencies flashed everywhere besides where it was supposed to. The meditation teaches us to not crave a perfect meditation seating (no two are alike) nor to have aversion to the results that we are having instead of the ones we think we should be having. In others words, observe that the mind went off course and gently bring it back to the task at hand with full equilibrium. By the fifth hour of concentrating on this minuscule triangular patch of one’s face, I asked myself if I were absolutely bonkers for doing this. I then remembered the friends and acquaintances who have survived Vipassana in order to tell the tale, and truth be told, these people have always had a special je ne sais quoi, so I kept going. Slowly, I started to see that I can focus for longer and longer, that I am compassionate and stop berating myself and gently bring myself back when the mind inevitably wanders away. It becomes abundantly clear why Buddhists call it the monkey mind based on the mind’s propensity of grasping, climbing and swinging rapidly from one branch (thought) to another with no sequencing and complete chaos. The whole point is to be in control of the mind in order to better serve you and by extension, society. Four days and forty hours later of Anapana (observing the breath), I have entirely broken past the inability to concentrate for more than one hour increments. Pleased with what this will mean at my next psychology conference, I realize that the depth of what I can learn and embody has expanded manifold. A razor sharp focus that lasts for several hours has been fostered through the shedding of a dullness that blankets human kind’s collective consciousness in a sort of fog which stems from our over stimulated society rife with spiritual desolation and alienation.

On the fifth day, we are introduced to Adhiṭṭhāna (strong determination, will) whereby three different seatings (8am-9am, 2:30-3:30pm & 6pm-7pm) are dedicated to absolutely zero movement. No movement of the legs, hands or opening of the eyes are allowed. Meditators, if they are unable to do this, are requested to remain seated and not exit Dhamma Hall for the duration of the session. Essentially, one is as still as a corpse. The saying “so silent, you can hear a person’s thoughts”? In this extraordinary silence you not only hear but see thoughts being created, you see the origin of things, pennies drop with a finality that is unmistakeable and a erudite ability to connect the constellations that compose seemingly disparate realities and happenings of one’s life then provide mind blowing insight into the reality of your life and how you are where you are. The context behind Adhiṭṭhāna is the Buddha, after having nearly died doing the multitude of various practices available in ancient India and no where nearer to enlightenment sat under a Bodhi tree and vowed not to move until he experienced the truth and became enlightened, going as far to indicate: even if it means I turn into bones and crumble. Under the full moon night that day, he realized enlightenment. If we pause to think, one is hard pressed to find a person who could not benefit from a fierce determination to pierce through deadlock in search of a higher truth. I took a deep breath and tried. Within ten minuets, I knew this would genuinely be the longest hour of my life. Then a flash of insight came: dedicate this sitting and set an intent for a higher purpose. When I dedicated the sitting to higher service, it was astounding how the psychology of everything changed.

Suppose one said that this dedication is to the recovery of someone who is desperately ill, a will power that hitherto appeared non-existent gloriously bursts forth for it is being conducted for something far greater than the lesser self. I will not obscure the truth, by the end of the hour my breath became extremely shallow, I thought I would faint with excruciating pain as I absolutely could not feel my legs, they were numb and I could not tell if they were turning blue because I was unable to open my eyes. Focusing on the pain however and realizing that I am disconnected from the pain, I am not attached to it, it is not a part of me but something impermanent to be observed rendered me so acutely aware of sensations that I actually could differentiate each single toe and the pounding and areas of blockages and the waves and rhythms that the blood carried internally. The extreme awareness to every sensation and the ebb and flow of pain actually lessened it where at one point I felt a warm flowing all body sensation take over free of any pain. Truly feeling the first glimpse of liberation, it was clear that no matter how permanent it appears, pain is impermanent! It is also true that pain (within limits) sharpens focus. I thought of my husband and everything we have experienced and though I felt what runners call ‘hitting the wall’ on mile 20 of a marathon, I doubled down on my determination. When the gong sounded indicating the end of the first Adhiṭṭhāna sitting, the tears flowed furiously. Without a single iota of doubt, I knew I had shattered limitations that had been there for all three decades of my life, I contemplated with utter humility and awe at what a human being can accomplish by training the mind, for all of reality arises from our thoughts and the connection to the divine, a higher source or greater self as psychologists would say is unmistakably within us should we be prepared to do the work. Out of the eighteen Adhiṭṭhāna seatings, I did one where I was all over the place, two having moved once and fifteen seatings without moving once feeling like the Michael Phelps of meditation.

Almost all paths of spirituality agree that the veil of super consciousness is thinnest (read: most accessible) in the early hours of the morning (usually between 2-4am), with countless clergy, monks, martial arts masters, shamans and all around super achievers stating their wakeup times to be around 4 or 5am. For years I have tried to achieve this with mixed results, there always lay in my heart a feeling of oppressiveness in the early morning darkness that made me press the snooze button until a more conducive hour arrived (~5:30-6am). Peculiarly and yet impressively, limitations after limitations begin to drop after hours upon hours of meditation sessions stacked up, sessions consisting of only and continuously observing the bio chemical reactions (sensations) of the body and mind. Head to toe, toe to head, cycle after cycle I would follow the energy, light and sensations in my body and after five days, I was going on three hours of sleep feeling as rested as if I had nine, fully alert, awake, attentive and with increased focus cheerfully taking a cold bath at 4:10am when previously I was the lady wearing a pashmina in June.

Day after day, the universe presented tests to upholding the precepts: the micro sensation of a mosquito landing on my arm and sucking blood, oh the pain and test of equanimity! I observed and was conscious that I am not allowed to kill any creature. Later, eyes closed, I felt another tingling sensation. Vibrationally awake, I sensed it was too light to be a fly and too heavy for a mosquito, what could it be? I honed in deeper onto the sensation and could feel each leg crawl. One, two, three four, five… oh it was a spider! Going deeper and deeper inside in utter silence, continuous sneezing from a fellow meditator had the propensity to sound and feel like a car backfiring. On day one I was perceptibly startled, day two I grew in annoyance, day three I wanted to chuck a box of Kleenex at the person’s head, day four I was feeling slightly murderous and yet on day five it was like a fever broke, I felt utter compassion: he must be really suffering, maybe I could arrange for ginger tea. Finally I glimpsed the seeming magic of the yogis of lore whose transcendental states defied science and the constructs of personality as we know it. Contrary to psychology’s emphasis on the unconscious, nothing is actually unconscious. The body is always conscious of what is happening both in awake and sleep states. As part of all phenomena that essentially are quivering masses of vibrating subatomic particles, it is when we strive in active practice to maintain awareness and an uncompromising equanimity; our moment-to-moment reality becomes divorced of all illusion. Saṅkhāra (conditioned things, dispositions, mental imprint) after Saṅkhāra arose, a never-ending litany and list of issues and feelings ranging from despair, feeling trapped and wanting to give up in hopelessness. I observed the volition of the mind as it brought up the earliest and long ago forgotten memories (indeed, experienced yogis are able to recall past lives with ease), of the perceived experience of South Asian patriarchy, judgment as a public figure, condemnation of status quo disrupters, the bi-directional fear that powerful and successful women engender, the abandonment of loved ones whilst layers after layers of the subconscious were torn asunder.

I literally could feel and locate the pain. The rest of my body was bathed in light and flowed unconstricted expect for the heart, there the heart was bathed in grey and red light symbolizing anger and sadness. Normally at this point a person in therapy or in daily life would shut down or raise the shackles of defenses because the memories and experiences threaten to overwhelm. Yet by now, I am grounded in 50 hours of meditative training which simply instructs: Observe! Observe! Do not suppress and do not act upon it verbally or physically thereby trapping yourself in endless destructive cycles of Saṅkhāra that multiply ceaselessly. Let whatever rise and fade away because this too shall change. Sure enough, an inner power and voice I have thus far not been acquainted with rose as surely as someone in love: absolute zero need to convince others of the authenticity, nothing can describe it but you do not doubt it and it pierced the intractable Gordian knots in my life. Issues I have carried dissolved as my experiential truths starting hitting home: “Anjhula, all have different starting points and uneven playing fields therefor everyone at all times is trying their best, they really are, be convinced of this truth”, “Take nothing personally”, “Your messages are correct, however increase your equanimity”, “You have always had a penchant for protecting the weak and disenfranchised, but your compassion has been lacking for the bully and oppressor. How unconscious must they be to do what they do? More compassion is needed for the aggressor, remember Christ at the cross and his ability to forgive all”, “Be strict with yourself, compassionate with others and discern the myriad forms that compassion takes”, “What if nothing could touch you? Thinking makes it so. Conditioning, conditioning, this is all it is, retrain the mind!” In response to a question I posed inwardly about why war happens and what can be done I was met with “Find peace inside yourself, and all is taken care of”. At this, I felt in the depths of my being a spark of the divine, a feeling to never be lost again. All things are experiences, impermanent in nature and not reality. Through the sittings, I was able to simulate many scenarios and go full throttle to ‘solve it’ not from actual experience in the secular 3D word but inwardly. In other words, the true strength lay in forgiving individuals from who a sorry may never issue forth.

With great anticipation, the tenth day arrived. I saved a pristine white chikhan kurta to wear on the last day in attempt at beautifying my surroundings and foggy self-image as I had not once glimpsed a reflection in a mirror the whole while. Many of the meditators looked towards me in fascination of what I would think of Vipassana as a psychologist. Agreeing with a pregnant meditator and my meal companion, a lady whom I sat by day after day wordlessly eating food, Vipassana in some ways comes close to what an acid trip may feel like. Studies after studies have demonstrated that the body internally can replicate and produce naturally any effect of drugs that are externally consumed. My fellow meditators spoke about a point that was especially impressed upon them regarding conscious decision making. It no longer felt tenable after the experience of Vipassana to categorically state that working for a tobacco company for instance or being an arms dealer is not a negative cause created because one is not directly harming others. One meditator spoke about leaving a job with a huge MNC food manufacturer because indirectly she was contributing to the ill health and worldwide obesity epidemic thereby harming people. I was curious to how my colleagues whose sense of faith lies in scientific empirically validated research would feel about Vipassana and it turns out there is positive receptivity. In an excellent book Essential Spirituality, Exercises from the World’s Religions by psychiatrist Roger Walsh, M.D., Ph.D., he describes being humbled through Vipassana of the hubris and academic ivory tower myopia. Indeed, research centres around the world are increasingly discovering the benefits of an utterly scientific, rational and secular practice of observing the breath and natural vibration of the body in contrast to powerful yet artificially created hymns, mantras etc. Certainly individuals are at different points on the mental health spectrum and the Vipassana intake form enquires after this but for the majority of people, the ones who have a tendency to wall off or run, to deny and say simplistically “I could never do this, I talk too much” it may be all the more reason to try. Granted, four people left within the first two days yet the fact that society puts so much pressure on “succeeding” may be a good thing here because it encouraged my sticking it through for the benefit of all especially when engaging in Metta Bhavana (loving kindness). Metta Bhavana was the last meditation technique learned where peace and harmony, good will, love and compassion and the merits we accrue are radiated outward towards all. Vipassana posits that the cause of mental suffering lies in our mental actions and through Vipassana, research demonstrates a variety of addictions, depression and other psychosomatic disorders abating. Concentration takes myriad forms i.e. flirting with an attractive person at the bar, a hacker studying code or waiting for deer to approach whilst hunting but none of this leads to liberation. A thought process free of craving and aversion (Samadhi) leads one to be squarely in the present.

Eckart Tolle wisely said that if one is depressed, they are in the past, if they are anxious, they are in the future; all there is is the present. The Buddha’s contribution to enlightenment was the recognition that the intersection between mind and material matter is automatic. The feeling, recognition, evaluation and reaction towards mind and matter are bound to happen yet if one intercedes at the level of sensation and observes the impermanence, all dissolves and disintegrates and we exit an impossible cycle. The results of Vipassana being taught to young adolescence and at prisons with empowering outcomes supports the observation that one day of meditating was the equivalent of five sessions of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). With a deepening understanding of cause and effect, the Vipassana meditator becomes their own therapist and on an abstract level at the very least, therapists encourage the day when they are no longer needed. With 100 hours of meditation behind them after reemerging, Vipassana meditators have a good start on the 1,000 hours usually needed to qualify for professional licensing and through this they realize that meditation does not mean wearing robes, taking all that comes with smiling benevolence based only on an intellectual understanding of wisdom. Life is Dhamma, the path of taking action and spreading the seed where tough decisions are made from a place of full equanimity and awareness. The words of T'ien-t'ai, the great sixth century Buddhist monk ring as true then as they do now: “Meditation fosters a state in which the mind is still and focused. In other words, the land is purified and transformed when one changes one’s heart or mind and thus transforms oneself”.

I was surprised by just how much I took to being alone, I never craved the absence of the IPhone, (for a Vipassana like experience sans the rigour, check out these hotels that enable guests to surrender devices at check in) I was slightly sad to re-enter the world knowing fully what it entails, that to avoid the lies and inauthenticity that is so much a part of the human condition takes generating enormous amounts of energy in order to be on point at all times. I had come to truly love the silent Anjhula and not even a week out of the retreat, I know the concentrated vibrational energy will wane if not sustained daily. The Buddha maintained that no one should take his word but rather experience the truth for him or herself. In the pursuit of truth I trusted and surrendered. In return, I no longer am in pursuit of changing the world but changing how I see the world. The world no longer appears in standard but in high definition. The old hermit who predicted the Buddha’s true path when he was an infant was right: Ruling the world is child’s play. To truly rule your soul is like ruling creation. It is above even the gods. And that spiritual prison? Forget about holding the keys to the kingdom of heaven inside. The door was never locked.

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