(Zach Galifianakis sits opposite Vladimir Putin on the set of Between Two Ferns; Putin wears a suit and tie; Galifianakis wears pants, shoes, but no shirt; several moments of silence)
Galifianakis: I didn't wear a shirt because I thought, you know, that would make you feel more comfortable.
(Putin is silent)
Galifianakis (to camera): Welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns. I'm your host Zach Galifianakis and my guest today is (looks at paper) Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Galifianakis: First question. If Kim Jong-un has Seth Rogen killed, does that mean I have to star in the Green Hornet sequel?
Putin: I do not understand the question.
Galifianakis: If you seek a fourth term as president of Russia in 2018, will your opponents wind up in the same place as the guys from the Sochi hockey game who didn't let you score?
Galifianakis: In 2010, you shot a whale with a crossbow. Did you become one with the great mammal and how is he doing today?
Putin: I do not understand the question.
(long pause as Galifianakis looks at Putin)
Galifianakis: I'm trying to stare at your soul but all I get are traffic patterns in--
Putin: Quiet, bearded media tool! I use your popular Internet comedy charade as a platform to soften my image and to assure the world that the Kiev government is completely responsible for the tragic disaster of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17.
Galifianakis: Even though evidence indicates a Russian BUK anti-aircraft missile system was used; that the shooting of the missile was probably supervised and operated by Russians in the Ukraine; and that there are taped conversations of Russian separatists saying they shot down the plane.
Putin: The Kiev government is completely responsible for the tragic disaster of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17.
Galifianakis: But, what about the two Ukrainian fighter jets that were--
Galifianakis: (looks at paper) So, are you saying the Kiev government is responsible?
Galifianakis: When you lie to the Russian people and the world, does your nose grow or do your pants just sort of spontaneously combust?
Putin: I do not understand the question.
Galifianakis: I want to thank President Vladimir Putin for being on the show.
Galifianakis: Have you ever met Ivan Denisovich?
Putin: I do not understand the question.
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