CINCINNATTI (NewS Satire)
"Voters are mourning the lack of bodily function references in the nation's political discourse," according to pollster Robert Mints. "They miss it."
Indeed, a new CBS-Monmouth poll reports 63% of registered voters enjoyed candidate Donald Trump's debate reference to his male member. An additional 28% of voters approved of his reference to Fox News' Megyn Kelly's "whatever," and 3% had positive feelings for Sen. Marco Rubio's allusion to wetting one's pants.
"In the olden days, it was great," said voter Andy Anders. "But if you watch the Democrat debates, its policy this and plans that. You want my vote? Tell me a dick joke."
Pollster Mints has a very specific recommendation for the candidates as they prepare for the Florida primary. "Drop in a well-timed fart joke. They're timeless."