When the New Year approaches, we get to work planning changes that will translate to a better life. But too often, our list of resolutions focuses on the details — the weight loss, the must-read book list — rather than stepping back and taking in the big picture.
One way to do this is by examining not just what you should do to create a better 2017, but also what you should quit doing. For example:
1. Quit holding on to people who are dragging you down. Are the relationships in your life fulfilling? Are they a harbor from stress, or a source of it? Sometimes we find ourselves involved with people whose effect on our peace of mind and sense of worth is the exact opposite of what we need and deserve, yet still we hang on. It’s time to ask yourself why. Every relationship has its challenges, but no one should accept that suffering is the price we must pay for connection.
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” — Mahatma Gandhi
2. Quit waiting for the stars to align. If you wait to act until everything is just so, or you’re good enough, or you have the time, or until after everyone else is taken care of, you probably won’t make much positive change in your life. Preparation is a good thing, but if you keep finding reasons to put off getting started, your goals will only slip further out of reach.
“Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases, and its toll on success and happiness is heavy.” — Wayne Gretzky
3. Quit letting that voice in your head go unchallenged. Each of us has an interior voice that narrates our lives in a voice so familiar we often don’t register hearing it. And for most of us, that voice defaults to negativity. You might hear things like That was stupid! or You’ll never measure up. It’s time to start paying attention to that voice and teaching it some empathy. When it says Well, you messed up again, you can correct it to Yes, this time I messed up, but I’ve been successful lots of other times, and I will be again. In time, you’ll become your own best ally instead of your worst enemy.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls in line.” — Lucille Ball
4. Quit expecting to be happy all the time. There’s no avoiding it: there will be times when you are bored, anxious, angry or disappointed. That’s life. Complete happiness is an illusion, but being unable to sit with discomfort can lead you toward risky ways of trying to create the illusion of happiness, such as alcohol or drug use. It’s also a good bet that if you’re chasing happiness nonstop, you are trying to distract yourself from something — perhaps past trauma or those internal feelings of unworthiness that so many of us struggle with. Consider counseling or therapy, and figure out what that something is and address it. In doing so, you can find your way to an even greater goal — peace.
“When you’ve seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there.” — George Harrison
5. Quit wasting time on spin. It used to be we just had to keep up with the Joneses. Now, thanks to social media and our extreme connectivity, we can feel like we have to keep up with the world. This brings with it enormous pressure, and if you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself paying more attention to pleasing your audience than yourself. You don’t have to throw away your smartphone, but allow yourself to unplug and quit chasing those “likes.”
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt
6. Quit defaulting to cynicism.
There’s plenty to be cynical about in our world and in our lives, but allowing yourself to continually give in to negativity comes with a price. Cynicism can feel protective but it actually gets in the way of opportunity and relationships by damaging your ability to trust. Studies have even shown links between cynicism and health issues such as heart disease, cancer and dementia, as well as higher mortality rates. If you want a better and longer life, embrace antidotes to cynicism such as gratitude and awe.
“Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.” — Stephen Colbert
7. Quit waiting to be rescued.
The job you don’t like, the relationship that’s not working, the food or drug or alcohol use that’s ruining your health and happiness — none of that is going to magically resolve itself. A better life takes effort — your effort. And that means taking responsibility for yourself, investing in yourself, and allowing yourself to fail. It also means being willing to reach out for help when you can’t do it alone. It can be scary, but the alternative is missing out on your own life.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” — Brené Brown
Small Steps
If any of these resonate with you, or if there are other things you know you should quit doing, commit yourself to making small changes each day. You might go for a hike instead of reaching for a drink when you’re bored, for example, or spend a few hours with an actual friend instead of on Facebook. Just remember that you’re trying to break patterns that have taken years or perhaps a lifetime to become established, so be patient with yourself. You may not be able to change overnight, but even small course corrections can have a big impact on the trajectory of your life.