Name Change Ignites Patriotic Protest
“For the price I paid to rent the joint I can call it anything I damn well please,” Trump responds.
The day after Donald Trump took possession of Mount Vernon for use as his national campaign headquarters, the Republican Presidential nominee announced that he’s renamed the historic site “Mount Trump” in his own honor. “It’s all about branding,” Trump declared. “George Washington made America great, and I’m making it great again. And we’re both tremendous winners!”
Mr. Trump leased Mount Vernon for the remaining weeks of this year’s raucous Presidential contest. To seal the deal he paid an astounding rental fee of $1 billion to the Mount Vernon Upper Class Ladies Association, the non-profit organization that owns the site. The ladies grabbed the money and ran, but now they’re kicking themselves for having done so.
“Renaming Mount Vernon definitely wasn’t part of the deal,” protested Dr. Mary Livingstone, the Association’s President. “Upper class ladies throughout the country are in a terrible snit over this,” she exclaimed. “What a jerk Trump is! I know a lady shouldn’t employ profanity, but, frankly, I’d like to shove the Washington Monument up Trump’s rump!”
Meanwhile Grace C. Allen, the association’s Senior Legal Counsel, announced that she’s seeking an injunction to force Trump to remove the new signs he has had placed at the entrance to Mount Vernon. “They are desecrations of a historic site, totally inappropriate to the setting, cheap, and ugly. I know a lady shouldn’t talk like this but, frankly, they make me want to puke.”
When Trump was informed of these protests, he dismissed them contemptuously. “Why the hell should I take them seriously? Dr. Livingstone, I presume, is a joke. Stupid, but a joke. And Grace C. Allen is a total moron with a zero IQ.”
Both sides to the conflict are planning to sue the other.
Satire by Byron Kennard: “I couldn’t be more serious about this funny stuff.”
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