Poor Dick Cheney.
Free at last from The Bunker and ready, as always, to do whatever it takes to protect the United States of America, he's seen the vital information that proves that waterboarding works, but, doggone it, the country went and elected this softy-brainiac guy who just doesn't "get it" the way George Bush did, and doesn't want to release it.
Obama's such a wuss, he's making it sound like America doesn't have the guts to torture people anymore.
What's a patriot to do?
It would be illegal to leak classified intelligence himself. Dick Cheney has too much respect for the rule of law to do something like that.
But waterboarding works. American lives are at stake. And Dick Cheney has the all the information we need.
Open your ears America! Are you so jaded you can no longer hear the patriot's call? He's begging us. The time has come.