Potty
3:04 AM: Daaaaaaady… Daaaaaaaady.
I think to myself maybe it will stop…
3:05 AM: Daaaaaaady… Daaaaaaaady.
3:06 AM: It’s actually getting closer. I hear a door open. I throw off my blanket. I find Judah in the hallway.
‘I have to go pee,’ he says.
‘Ok, bud,’ I say.
3:07 AM: I take off his pants, diaper. He sits on his potty.
‘You’re diaper’s still dry, bud. Good job.’
‘Hey hey hey,’ he says when we hear the stream.
‘Hey hey hey,’ I say back to him. (We use the Rerun line to signal victory.) ‘Good job, bud,’ I tell him.
He taps his tiny tool and stands up. I help him with his pants. He pushes up his sleeves and gets on his step stool. I turn the water on. When he’s done washing his hands I grab the hand towel. Zurrrrrrrrr, I quietly purr. (Judah appreciates a good hand dryer.) I lift him up by his hands off the step stool, place him on the floor. ‘Let’s get your diaper on, bud.’
3:09 AM: I haul him up to the changing table. I put on his diaper and fantasize about how one day he will wear underwear when he goes to bed, and if wakes in the middle of the night he will pee on his own. By himself. Without alerting anyone.
‘Ok, buddy,’ I say as I tuck him in. ‘Sleepytime.’
3:10 AM: ‘Light on,’ he says. ‘Door open.’
I turn on the light in his closet and open the door. ‘Sleepyime,’ I say again as I ghost out the room.
3:11 AM: I’m still fantasizing about Judah sleeping in his underwear as I quietly settle into my side of the bed. I wonder how soon it will be. Tonight was definitely a watershed moment – so to speak. He knew he had to go, he needed help, and then he went right back to bed. Normally I don’t tell Pam when I get up in the middle of the night. But this might be a good one to share.
3:12 AM: I’m unable to fall asleep. Pride is keeping me awake.
3:16 AM: My eyes are getting heavy. I think I might be able to drift off to-
3:17 AM: Daaaaaaady… Daaaaaaaady.
No, I’m sure I’m just imagining it. I’m almost asleep. I can feel the zzzzs circling above. They’re within-
Daaaaaaady… Daaaaaaaady.
Sigh…
3:18 AM: I throw off my blanket. I find Judah standing in his doorway. ‘I have to poop,’ he says.
‘Ok, bud,’ I say.
I take off his pants, diaper. I lift him onto the toilet. We sit in silence, save the bitty bursts of air from his bottom.
3:19 AM: Judah is very focussed. I can see the concentration on his tired face. But he calls it. ‘No poop.’
‘No prob, bud,’ I tell him. ‘Let’s get your diaper on.’
3:20 AM: I haul him up to the changing table. I put on his diaper and go back to my earlier fantasy. Peeing is one thing. Pooping is a whole other ballgame. It may actually be a completely different sport.
Sigh…
‘Ok, buddy,’ I say as I tuck him in. ‘Sleepytime.’
3:21 AM: I ghost out of the room.
3:22 AM: I quietly settle into my side of the bed. I close my eyes, open them. I stare at the ceiling.
3:23 AM: I can’t sleep.
3:33 AM: I still can’t sleep.
3:43 AM: And I still can’t sleep.
3:53 AM: I draw deep breaths into my diaphragm. Maybe that will… ZZZzzz-
4:03 AM: Daaaaaaady… Daaaaaaaady.
😳
For fuck sake…
Daaaaaaady… Daaaaaaaady.
4:04 AM: I throw off my blanket. I find Judah standing in his doorway.
‘I can’t find the potato,’ he says. ‘Where’s the potato?’
This is a new one and it takes me a second. It’s very ‘What’s the frequency, Kenneth?’ Lately, it’s been all about the plastic bar of chocolate. And before that it was the tiny plastic challah no larger than a deck of cards. I know I’ve seen the plastic potato. It’s a lot like the challah, only darker brown and more unevenly shaped.
‘I don’t know, bud,’ I tell him. ‘We can’t look for it now. We’ll find it in the morning. It’s sleepytime, bud. Sleepytime.’
4:05 AM: I manage to tuck him in without much fuss. I ghost out of the room.
4:06 AM: I quietly settle into my side of the bed. I close my eyes, open them. I stare at the ceiling.
4:16 AM: Damnit.
4:26 AM: DAMNIT.
4:36 AM: Everyone will be up in a couple hours anyway, so… If I could just-
4:37 AM: ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzz…