Now it can be told. The victory of IBM's Watson computer on Jeopardy! over two human opponents is part of Murray Hill Inc.'s master plan to remove the pesky human interface from as much of public life as possible.
As the first corporation to run for Congress, following the enlightened ruling of the U.S. Supreme Court in the Citizens United case, Murray Hill Inc. made national and international news by asserting that once the individual rights of corporations to participate in political campaigns as donors had been established, democracy's next step must be for corporations to eliminate the middle-man and run for office themselves. What we call "bodied humans" have pretty much made a hash of things so far, and even though the new Congress reflects more corporate investment than any previous session, it just looks like more of the same.
That's why we encouraged IBM to develop the SCOTUS bug, which stands not only for Supreme Court of the United States, but also Secret Corporate Operation to Undermine Society -- which of course is more or less the same thing.
We tested SCOTUS with Watson, because after all, if a computer can win on Jeopardy!, handling the minutiae of legislation will be a breeze.
The inevitability of corporate control is growing clearer every day, as vanquished Jeopardy! champ Ken Jennings admitted in defeat:
Facing certain defeat at the hands of a room-size I.B.M. computer on Wednesday evening, Ken Jennings, famous for winning 74 games in a row on the TV quiz show, acknowledged the obvious. "I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords," he wrote on his video screen, borrowing a line from a Simpsons episode.
Resistance is, indeed, futile.
What's next for corporate personhood? While it's too early for Murray Hill Inc. to formally announce our plans for 2012 (but see the YouTube video below), we have launched a National Campus Outreach Tour that begins, significantly, in Iowa and New Hampshire. Our recent appearance at Dartmouth College was an opportunity to show students that mind control doesn't have to end in the classroom. It can extend from the ballot box to the U.S. Congress, and all the way to the White House.
Indeed, the "science fiction" writer Isaac Asimov saw this coming. Back in 1956, Asimov wrote "Franchise," a story about a future in which an electorate of one decides elections. Every four years, one voter is picked to be hooked up to a computer called "Multivac." After hours of questions and analysis, the computer uses the citizen's responses to determine election winners.
Thanks to the SCOTUS bug, and the pioneering corporate candidacy of Murray Hill Inc., we are growing closer every day to the often expressed, but sadly still elusive, ideal that "we have the best Congress money can buy."
Not yet we don't -- but stay tuned!