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We Are All Victims of the Mommy Wars

We all get judged. We all get criticized. We get enough flack about our personal decisions from those who are not mothers. So this mum advocates that we all be educated, supported and empowered to make the decisions we think are best for our families.
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Remember when we were little and we would read those "pick your adventure" books... or was that just me? You could decide which choices you wanted to make and then flip to the correct part in the story to see where your decisions led you. Well this letter is written so you can pick your criticism. A for those who formula feed and B for those who breastfeed in public.

I wanted to bring together mothers feeding their babies the best we can. To show that whichever way we chose to go in life, there will be judgement that follows.

We mums are in this together, as our stories are so similar despite the different choices we make. The harsh words are often directed at both parties.

DISCLAIMER -- these are not my personal thoughts towards either situation.

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Dear Mother Feeding Her Baby,

I know I should keep my mouth shut but I just cannot resist a good judging. I saw you feeding your baby today at the mall. Did you know a) formula is terrible for your child compared to breastmilk b) I could see part of your breast while you were nursing?

How can you be so selfish a) to not give your child the best start to their life as possible b) to think it is perfectly acceptable to whip your boob out in public to feed your child? I was shocked at your lack of sensitivity a) to the vulnerable baby in your arms b) to those men and young children around you. When will today's mothers learn a) formula is linked to multiple adult diseases b) there is always a private spot you can nurse instead of out in the open. Didn't you know before you had your child a) that breast milk is nature's perfect food, you should have planned to breastfeed b) that breastfeeding your baby means you have to do it on your own time, you made that decision when you had your baby. Your breasts are a) not sexual objects but given to you to feed and nurture your babies b) sexual objects that men will look at no matter how hard you try to cover up. So please a) use them as such and stop giving your money to the horrible formula companies b) don't flaunt them about for attention, I do not want my husband seeing your baby nursing.

Your significant other must be quite upset with your decision to a) formula feed b) nurse exclusively. They probably really want a) what is best for their baby...which is breastmilk b) to have a chance to feed their child and bond in this way. Again, you seem quite selfish.

When I fed my child I a) only let breastmilk touch his lips until a year old b) I bought multiple cute covers to use with my various outfits. I think you should a) reconsider your formula choice and try to lactate, or at least try harder with your next child b) look online for some pretty covers to keep yourself decent while around others who might see you feeding.

It really doesn't matter how hard you tried a) there was probably more you could have done to breastfeed successfully b) I could still see the occasional slip of skin when your child fidgeted. Please a) get more support if you have another child b) think about those around you before the hunger cues of your child.

I just feel that I should let you know that because of the choices you made a) your child may grow up to be unattached and more sick than his breastfed friends b) overly attached and unable to cope without you being present all the time.

Please think about what I said.

Sincerely,

The Judgemental Onlooker

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We all get judged. We all get criticized. We get enough flack about our personal decisions from those who are not mothers. So this mum advocates that we all be educated, supported and empowered to make the decisions we think are best for our families.

Love and support,

this mum