we are each others' possibility models {queer and feminist visionaries}

three wooden paint brushes lay atop a bamboo tray. a few stones sit beside them: rose quartz, selenite, and peridot. the text
three wooden paint brushes lay atop a bamboo tray. a few stones sit beside them: rose quartz, selenite, and peridot. the text at the top reads sofiarosesmith.com in white cursive.

Do you ever have those weeks when you need to reassess your entire life? Or you feel like you do. A week when you just reach the point of who the fu*k am I and what the fu*k am I even doing?

What do you do when you arrive there, to that place? Do you cuddle up in bed watching Netflix? Enjoy a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos? Isolate? Reach out? Go to yoga?

What DO you do?

Do you get even busier trying to figure it all out? Trying to make everything work, something's gotta work... Or...do you get to a place of not moving at all? freeze?

What I want you to know about your responses to the feeling of what the fu*k am I doing is this: they are so smart. They are intelligent. They are survival skills that have gotten you HERE, this far in life. They have kept you alive!

There is something so, so smart about our survival skills and our trauma responses and our fear.

And, it's also true that these survival skills come from our reptilian brain. They are all about belonging, pleasure, and staying alive. So, whenever any of these states are threatened {like, you feel like you might be rejected, or something is very painful, or you're scared you might not have money to pay rent this month}, your fear around your own survival is triggered. And, it's SMART. It's how we have evolved. AND...there are ways that sometimes acting out of this reptilian brain keeps us kinda stuck.

So. My invitation for you is this: can you notice when you're in the place of fear? Can you notice the fear. Just notice. If you get that far, to the AWARENESS of the fear, you are 90% on your way to freedom.

Because, when we are conscious of our fears, they are not in control of our actions. When we are conscious, sentient beings aware of our fears, we get to CHOOSE how to respond to them.

From that place, you can choose a resilience strategy. Something that reminds you of your inherent goodness, your inherent I am actually okay-ness. A yoga class? A trip to the ocean? An episode of Gilmore Girls? A write in your journal? It's so up to you, and it's perfect.

So that is my share for you this week. I love and adore you. I am in this with you, experimenting, making life up as I go. I, like you, don't have a lotta models of HOW to do life. I just try and feel it out, I try and make life possible on my own terms. I don't see many people like me out there doing this thing called being a writer and a healer and a radical entrepreneur and a queer femme of color creative genius. YES WE EXIST. But, we don't have a lotta models. WE ARE EACH OTHERS' MODELS.

So let's do this thing called life together.

Yours,

Sofia

I first heard the term “possibility model” from Laverne Cox, who many of you know is a brilliant Black trans woman activist, visionary and actress. I am grateful for her cultural work and knowledge production, and don’t mean to appropriate this phrase for my own use as a cis queer femme, but rather carry on the conversation that she inspired for a lot of us. I am forever grateful for the brilliant trans geniuses that have created legacies for many of us non-trans folk to learn from.

I learned a lot about somatics and fear and survival and healing from a lot of brilliant people. I am grateful for all of them, and for the body of knowledge that I’ve been so lucky to access.

Sofia Rose Smith is a queer feminist intuitive guide, writer, and coach for artists, visionaries and entrepreneurs. She is an award-winning facilitator and writer as well as a radiant entrepreneur who supports queer + feminist visionaries to find their calling, and stay grounded in the process. To connect, visit her website or Instagram.

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.