"One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government," Donald Trump
While others may welcome Donald Trump's announcement that he will be making a run for the Republican presidential nomination as an opportunity to unmercifully ridicule the mega-successful real estate mogul, it would be shortsighted to overlook the serious contribution Trump brings to the...
I'm sorry. I can't keep a straight face.
The heavens have opened up and God blessed every late night talk show wit and basement-blogging half-wit with a comedy gift for the ages...A Donald Trump presidential run. How rich are the possibilities? Don't be shocked if Jon Stewart postpones on his Daily Show retirement or Will Rogers decides to return topside. Coming up with the material or trying to beat 5,000 Face Book posts to the punch won't be a comedy writer's problem. It will be trying to come up with something fictional that Trump hasn't actually said or done.
Whether a mockery of a political contender or brilliant performance artist, The Donald made his humble announcement while trashing everyone other than children with cancer.
The Golden Combover's candidacy was quick to reveal the extent of his political power as simultaneously with his address he instantly enhanced the legitimacy of the two hundred-some other Republican candidates. One might deduce that Trump's most enthusiastic supporters are Rick Perry and Rick Santorum.
A living, breathing inspiration, Trump gives hope that even the most pretentious billionaire hotel owner, reality television producer can get cable news networks to instantly set up exclusive interviews as if he was a serious contender to run the most powerful country in the world.
Still, one could only imagine the richest, greatest-ever President-elect on January 20th, 2017 descending down the Rose Garden escalator to the front of the newly sprayed golden columns of the Trump White House to make his acceptance speech...
"My fellow Americans, and what I mean when I say 'fellow,' I mean those of you I consider equals, which frankly, are very few of you unless you are billionaires and great. To the rest of you who are not billionaires, as your president I promise to make you wealthy, self-made successes, just like me as long as you were born a billionaire like I was able to do.
"I promised you that I will turn my country a money maker. As my first move, this morning I purchased The White House, for what I think is a steal, and remodeled it into the world's greatest casino/condo. To show there's no bitterness between me and my opponent, I have hired Hillary as my official greeter and Bill as Miss Universe judge.
"To you of the same heritage as the previous resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I pledge to declare you legit citizens no matter where I say you are born. In each of your cases I will make sure you will be issued a non-fictional birth certificate or real estate agreement, whichever will be most profitable. It is important for you all to know that in Trump America(TM), we are all equal, both the winners and the losers.
"To my Mexican friends, I'd like both of you to know that I while I assume that neither of you will rape, bring lots of problems or commit any crime in this great country of mine, I will expect you to speak English as good as I do.
"At the same time I will be cutting expenses starting with the defense budget. Today I will be recalling all of our troops from foreign soil and replacing them with my personal elite team of doormen and concierges. This will be very budgetable as they already have their own uniforms and cab whistles.
"Most importantly, I will be the greatest job president in the history of the world. Today I will signing The Trump Job Bill making everyone over the age of eighteen, man or broad, a Trump employee. 'Course you'll all be starting as interns. Unpaid, but employed.
"One more thing. I've got a message for ISIS an Al Quaeda, I just purchased every virgin in heaven. Good luck with your jihad, losers.
"God bless America and God bless me."
Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful...Mistakes, Adversity, Failure and Other Steppingstones to Success."