Lately, I've been hearing all this talk about election fraud, "noncitizens," and the like. Well, I say forget about it. Not necessary! We don't need to figure out who's who and whether so-and-so is a citizen and can vote in the next presidential election. What we need is an election dance-off à la Dancing with the Stars, and the winner gets to be president of the United States! Our twinkle-toed POTUS!
Think how much time it could save. No more agonizing through months and months of rallies, grandstanding, politicking, name calling, and birther madness (after all, I'm pretty sure it's been established that Donald Trump was born in the U.S.). Instead of the usual political stomping and soap-box drama, there'd be tap dancing, high kicks, and gliding across the dance floor. Instead of cheering or jeering for the candidates at their appearances, we'd be oohing and aahing over their light-on-their-feet (or not) dance routines.
Think of all the debates we could have avoided if Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul had taken their lead from Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke and hit the dance floor. Each of the candidates would have competed in a salsa competition, tango, and -- oh, what the heck, let's throw them a bone -- free style.
The men could have worn their finest tuxedos, looking dapper and debonair -- Bachmann, too, if she so desired. Santorum could have retired his sweaters.
Perhaps, we could have decided this a whole lot sooner and avoided a lot of aggravation and finger pointing, like the one about Romney's dog on the car roof, or Gingrich's Tiffany shopping spree. Instead, they could have danced all night, though, frankly, picturing Gingrich on the dance floor, dancing cheek to cheek with Bachmann, isn't for the uninitiated.
I'm certain Romney would be a tad more sophisticated on the dance floor, cutting a mean swath, while vying for the role of commander-in-chief -- though I hope he doesn't flip-flop on his feet in the process. As for our incumbent, Barack Obama, he'd have to compete, too, of course -- in the finals, that is. Let's just hope he doesn't pick Joe Biden to be his dance partner. After all, you never know what he's going to say or do.
Now, I'm not a fan of reality shows, but this is one I'd definitely tune in to every week, because, if you ask me, the run for presidency is like one long, never-ending reality show, so we might as well legitimize it and turn it into a real reality series. And why not? Everyone loves dancing! And when they're dancing, they're less likely to be arguing, name calling, and whining about each other. They're less inclined to accuse and partake in mud throwing, because, as my mother always said, "you can't be mean when you're dancing."
Of course, as in all good reality shows, the winning candidate would have to be chosen by the viewers, and the viewers would have to text in their vote, so to avoid voter fraud, we'd have to create some rules, right? After all, reality shows are a legit business, and this show would be no exception. That means one vote per person and, please, no noncitizens. That means you, Trump. And should we be mistaken, you have 30 days to prove us wrong.