These four words make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
I am excited and apprehensive in the same moment. I love truth and change, but I don't always have the courage to face both. And as I wait for the next sentence, I get impatient, in that "New-Yorker-give-it-to-me-straight-with-no-angles" way. And then my mind screams, "JUST TELL ME." Sugar coated truths give me cavities.
"I have to tell you something..."
Yeah. Don't have much love for that phrase either. But I have used it. Had a friend who had an odor. This was not an easy conversation. Made even more difficult by the fact that I cannot smell (literally I don't have this sense). I found out because I overheard a few folks talking about it. It seemed that it did no good for her not to know it. So I let her know. She made a change. They stopped talking. We remained friends.
"I have to keep it real..."
That one usually precedes the truth coming at you like hammer tossed at your head. While you ooze from the gash, they are "keeping it real" and you are bleeding out and in shock. I heard it said telling the truth at the wrong time is as devastating as lying.
There is a difference between the truth and what is true. This makes some folks uneasy, but stay with me.
Had a conversation with a dear friend because... well this one little habit he had just didn't work... for me. I suspected it did not work for him either, but I am not that wise. However, I am a friend. So at the right moment, when it was truly awkward, and he would be able to hear me... I said, "Here is how I experience you when blah blah blah..." Emphasis on "I" and emphasis on my "experience."
I quickly followed by saying this is not THE Truth. It was simply my experience of him which left enough room for him to consider the habit, consider if it was my issue and consider what he wanted to do next.
As for me, I shared what was true for me, leaving space for it not to be THE absolute truth. He did not feel judged, which means at least he could consider it.
So would you tell me? Would you risk it?
Would you risk sharing what is true for you with mercy? When the time is right? Not the impatient version but the version that elevates and offers growth. Would you tell me if...?
If we are working together, please schedule some time using the link below. You can tell me then. I can handle the truth.
