Wedding Announcements From The Not-Too-Distant Future

Millennials are growing up. Here is a preview of the wedding section of tomorrow. (Any resemblance to real people and real situations is, of course, a mere coincidence.)

Jenna Howard and Nitin Gill met during the “dad bod” craze of 2015, which briefly allowed Mr. Gill, a 5, a shot with Ms. Howard, a 7. Ms. Howard first approached Mr. Gill after noticing his smallish biceps and overall resemblance to a burrito wearing a belt. Mr. Gill’s surprise that Ms. Howard later texted him was further compounded by his surprise that a woman so attractive could use semicolons correctly. Things turned serious for the Arlington-based couple after they discovered they have many shared interests, including brunch, the football-team-formerly-known-as the-Redskins, and brunch.