From drunken toasts to baffling dress codes, weddings provide ample opportunities for humor ― or at least for funny tweets.
This is especially true when it comes to the registry. If you’ve gone to your fair share of weddings, odds are you’ve also spent more time than you’d like to admit scrolling through endless lists of kitchen gadgets, linens and other home goods, trying to find something in your price range that doesn’t feel weird to give as a gift.
And if you were ever feeling a little petty, you likely had an internal commentary of judgment running through your brain as you scoped out the happy couple’s choices. You’re not alone; here are 22 hilarious and savage tweets about wedding registries.
baby and wedding registries are so baffling to me. your choices are either a $300 vase or a $12 ice cream scooper.
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 5, 2021
I’m never more of a Scrooge than when I’m browsing a wedding registry. Why do you need two cutting boards? Are you opening a Benihana?
— Luke Mones (@LukeMones) November 27, 2021
How weird is it that people wrap wedding registry gifts? Like, the couple knows what they asked for at Williams Sonoma right? Don’t they have to feign surprise when they open it and are like, “Omg! These stemless wine glasses! Had no idea!”
— MAREN MORRIS (@MarenMorris) June 21, 2018
End of discussion: Marriage is a sacred institution between a wedding registry and two broke people.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 25, 2011
I'm the kind of wedding guest who will always buy the most interesting thing on your registry so if you really want that coconut opener tool kit you better invite me.
— katie jo(hantgen) (@katiejoyofosho) June 1, 2021
Some of you never maniacally refreshed your online wedding and baby registries to see what gifts had been purchased, and it shows.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) November 5, 2020
Every time I see a wedding registry with no Le Creuset it’s like...okay so my friend is fucking stupid.
— Sudi Green (@Sudi_Green) April 4, 2020
wedding registries are fully insane. hey come to this fun party we're having. by the way it's not in the state you live in. p.s. you better buy us a fucking vitamix. dipshit.
— bobby (@bobby) September 3, 2018
I believe in salary transparency in the workplace and also at the top of your wedding registry.
— mah ree nah (@marinarachael) May 24, 2022
a cool thing to do is to look up the wedding registries of people you haven't talked to since high school and just buy them a bowl
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) October 25, 2017
I hate doing dishes so much that I'm not above adding new ones to our wedding registry and hoping someone hasn't bought us a present yet.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 3, 2013
If you're buying your friends a garlic press, you got to their wedding registry too late.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) August 1, 2016
Being in your 20s is so fucked up, why do I have to buy all these people wedding registry gifts when I don’t even have a good set of knives in my own kitchen
— maybe: clare (10 minute version) (@clur19) October 5, 2021
wedding registries should just be gifts the couple gives their single friends. you'd go on the registry & be like "I've been single 6 years & I need a blender so I can make my meals for one" and the couple would be like "awesome! here’s your blender. Sorry we have love & u dont.”
— Lane Moore👉NYC 8/19 (@hellolanemoore) February 27, 2019
it is very oddly appropriate that the only thing i associate with registries are baby showers, wedding & sex offenders
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 13, 2018
asking my sister to put something on her wedding registry for me and she’s acting like i asked her to steal the declaration of independence.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) September 2, 2021
I break the ice on a first date by filling out a wedding registry at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
— Annekinns (@Annekinns) October 23, 2013
i once saw a CAN OPENER on a wedding registry. are you really operating without a can opener until you get married??
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 5, 2021
My only wedding registry that got 100% completed was the one at REI, so at formal dinners I pass gravy around in a CamelBak.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 8, 2013
how do you get people to buy you kitchen supplies a year after your wedding when you no longer have a registry? 🤔
— fuck the police (@_gumshudaa) July 2, 2020
that moment when ur stalking your new therapist online and wind up on her wedding registry site for a good half an hour lol
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) March 16, 2016
I want a kitchenaid mixer; the cheapest option seems to be to just get married and put one on my registry.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 27, 2016
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