Now that Scotland's not going anywhere, you have time to take our Week to Week news quiz.
Here are some random but real hints: Jack Ma is now a very, very rich man; this is the greatest news quiz in history; that's why dogs always vote alike; and so says the chocolate king. Answers are below the quiz.
1. Who is Alex Salmond and why is he quitting his job?
a. He was the leader of the ISIS unit in Syria until he was forced to resign for marrying a Christian woman
b. He is a caterer who was under pressure to quit after telling reporters about a fight involving Sarah Palin's family at a party
c. He is the first minister of Scotland who lost the referendum to split from the rest of the UK
d. He is the CEO of the Keystone XL pipeline who is leaving his post to run for Eric Cantor's congressional seat
2. Australian police say they broke up a plot to do what?
a. Kidnap Queen Elizabeth when she visits for her annual tournée des provinces
b. Kidnap random people in Australia, drape them in ISIS flags, and behead them on video
c. Bribe 23 federal legislators to pass a bill granting Australian citizenship to American corporations doing business there
d. Sell millions of fake iPhones
3. What Chinese company raised a record-breaking $21.8 billion in its IPO Friday?
a. The People's Army Technology Ventures, LLC
4. Why did a major investor criticize Olive Garden restaurants?
a. There are no real Italians working in upper management
b. They give away too many breadsticks
c. The food isn't served hot enough
d. Their smartphone app doesn't accept bitcoins
5. Who issued a report stating that North Korea has "the world's most advantageous human rights system"?
a. The United Nations
b. The U.S. State Department
c. The World Council of Churches
d. North Korea
6. According to a new study from Brown University, what attracts people to others who share their politics?
a. People are attracted to the scents of people who share their politics
b. Democrats are more likely than Republicans to be attracted to people with larger thigh muscles
c. People who like their pasta al dente tend to vote Republican
d. If you want to make a Democratic friend on an airplane, look for the person who turns on the fresh air nozzle
7. Who banned the teaching of evolution in their schools, along with classes on art, history, music, literature, and Christianity?
a. Florida's Tea Party Governor Rick Scott
b. The town of Arcata, California, whose municipal elections were just won by the Neo Hippie Party
c. Texas Governor Rick Perry
d. ISIS/ISIL in Mosul, Iraq
8. What U.S. Congress member was targeted by comedian Bill Maher in his effort to "flip a district"?
a. Utah Democrat Jim Matheson
b. Minnesota Republican John Kline
c. Texas Republican Louie Gohmert
d. New York Democrat Charles Rangel
9. Larry Ellison is leaving his post as CEO of what company?
10. Who told a joint session of Congress that "Blankets, night-vision goggles are important, but one cannot win the war with blankets"?
a. Iraq's new prime minister, Haider al-Abadi
b. Israel's prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu
c. Ukraine's president, Petro Poroshenko
d. Egypt's president and former military chief, Abdel Fattah al-Sisi
BONUS. In a new Reuters poll, what did nearly 25% of Americans support?
a. Their state seceding from the Union
b. Creation of a permanent human presence on the moon
c. Withdrawal of U.S. military bases from Europe
d. Adopting a parliamentary form of government
Want the live news quiz experience? Join us Monday, October 13 in downtown San Francisco for our next live Week to Week political roundtable with a news quiz and a social hour at The Commonwealth Club of California. Panelists include Joe Garofoli.
Explanations of the hints: Jack Ma is now a very, very rich man: Ma heads Alibaba; this is the greatest news quiz in history: perhaps North Korea's dictatorship is not the most impartial judge of its human rights record; that's why dogs always vote alike: dogs tell a lot about others by smelling them; and so says the chocolate king: Poroshenko is known as the chocolate king because he made his fortune in the candy business.