WEIRD NEWS

42 Weird Christmas Gifts Perfect For Every Type Of Nutball

Ugly sweaters? Check. Cat sunglasses? You bet! And, of course, everyone needs a Death Star toaster.

The holiday season is a weird time in the best possible way.

Only at Christmas is it socially acceptable to wear hideously itchy garish sweaters in public.

Only at Christmas is it OK for even the most rational person to unquestioningly accept stories involving things like sentient snowmen and flying reindeer, and two parents who gladly let some 10-year-old bash a drum just minutes after giving birth.

And, we humble-braggedly submit, only at Christmas do you have the joy of seeing the weirdest gifts available via our annual weird Christmas gift guide.

It’s our gift to you. (Special note: This gift is non-returnable.)  

  • Kenny G Saxy Christmas Sweater
    Each year, we think Christmas sweaters can't get any uglier -- and then <a href="https://www.tipsyelves.com/kenny-g-christmas
    Each year, we think Christmas sweaters can't get any uglier -- and then Kenny G comes along. Glorious. Simply glorious.
  • Pet Sunglasses
    Sure, you probably think your cat is cool, but <a href="https://www.theapollobox.com/product/sku700100/pet-sunglasses" target
    TheApolloBox.com
    Sure, you probably think your cat is cool, but these sunglasses will make it obvious to everyone else. The best part of this stylish non-prescription animal eyewear is how easy it is to put on your cat's face. Yes, your animal won't fight you when you put these glasses on his or her face one bit. (Editor's note: Yes, they will.)
  • Mr. Spock Baby Bunting
    Parenthood, not space, is the true final frontier. But you don't have to worry about the little nipper getting cold with this
    Parenthood, not space, is the true final frontier. But you don't have to worry about the little nipper getting cold with this baby bunting designed after "Star Trek" character Mr. Spock. To make your baby wear anything else is highly illogical.
  • Santa Is Fake News
    This <a href="https://www.shinesty.com/products/santa-fake-news-christmas-sweater" target="_blank">ugly Christmas sweater of
    This ugly Christmas sweater of Jesus may be the most universally loved sweater we've ever seen. A photo posted on Instagram received likes from atheists as well as believers. Sorry if your goal is to offend.
  • Chewbacca Face Mask
    This <a href="https://www.grindstore.com/products/star-wars-chewbacca-coconut-extract-sheet-face-mask-985966.html" target="_b
    This Chewbacca Face Mask just might be the only facial treatment worth doing while you're watching "Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker." (Like the use of "just might be" as a qualifier? I did too!)
  • Carving Knife That Looks Like A Chainsaw
    Need a cutting-edge way to carve a turkey? Get one <a href="MightyCarver.com" target="_blank">shaped like a chainsaw!</a> Lat
    Need a cutting-edge way to carve a turkey? Get one shaped like a chainsaw! Later on, the kids can use it to act out "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Everyone wins! (Just kidding.)
  • Star Wars Death Star Toaster
    Thank you George Lucas. Not only for creating "Star Wars," but for setting a precedent early on that the franchise would even
    Thank you George Lucas. Not only for creating "Star Wars," but for setting a precedent early on that the franchise would eventually be available on every appliance. I give you the Death Star toaster.
  • Daddy Claus Christmas Robe
    What does Santa wear after he's delivered all the toys to kids and wants to have a mellow evening with Mrs. Claus? I'm certai
    What does Santa wear after he's delivered all the toys to kids and wants to have a mellow evening with Mrs. Claus? I'm certain he wears this groovy robe. I mean, look at the guy in the photo. Who wouldn't want to be like him?
  • Dinosaur Planters
    Folks nostalgic for the good old times -- like the Jurassic period -- will certainly appreciate these <a href="https://sellwi
    Folks nostalgic for the good old times -- like the Jurassic period -- will certainly appreciate these planters. They'll turn your house or yard into a setting for yet another sequel of "The Land Before Time."
  • Menorah Bong
    Hanukkah only lasts for eight crazy nights. But you can keep the fun going all year long with this <a href="https://grav.com/
    Hanukkah only lasts for eight crazy nights. But you can keep the fun going all year long with this eight-bowl menorah bong. Of course, if you're willing to spend $400 on a bong, you may already be too stoned to really appreciate this product.
  • Renaissance Portraits Of Your Pet
    Your grandma's parrot is a lot more regal than a mere iPhone pic can ever fully convey. Why not take a photo of the bird and
    Your grandma's parrot is a lot more regal than a mere iPhone pic can ever fully convey. Why not take a photo of the bird and have it turned into a portrait done in the style of Rembrandt or da Vinci? Your pet won't care, but you will probably impress people at the Renaissance fair or Colonial Williamsburg.
  • Kevin Malone Broccoli Clock
    In a world where everything is expressed in digital time, skills like being able to read a traditional analog clock have fall
    In a world where everything is expressed in digital time, skills like being able to read a traditional analog clock have fallen by the wayside. However, fans of "The Office" are sure to make time to learn when they see this clock featuring character Kevin Malone eating broccoli throughout the day.
  • Popeye's Spicy Chicken Sandwich Christmas Sweater
    Here's some food for thought: If you can't get one of those spicy chicken sandwiches from Popeye's, you could do worse than g
    UglyChristmasSweater.com
    Here's some food for thought: If you can't get one of those spicy chicken sandwiches from Popeye's, you could do worse than getting the ugly Christmas sweater version of it. Don't try and eat it: It doesn't taste as good. It just doesn't.
  • Laptop Scratch Pad
    Does your cat spend too much time on your computer? Sucks, doesn't it? But you can reclaim your computer by giving kitty&nbsp
    Does your cat spend too much time on your computer? Sucks, doesn't it? But you can reclaim your computer by giving kitty a laptop of their own. No, the screen doesn't work. And the mouse is actually a toy mouse. And the keyboard is a scratch pad. But if your cat doesn't like it, just threaten to get some of the cat sunglasses above.
  • Donald Trump Sweater With Real Fake Hair
    There are lots of ways Christmas sweaters can be "ugly." Adding<a href="https://www.uglychristmassweater.com/product/3d-trump
    There are lots of ways Christmas sweaters can be "ugly." Adding fake orange hair to a caricature of the president is a valid way.
  • Unicorn Squirrel Feeder
    Squirrels get hungry and people get bored. This <a href="https://www.fun.com/unicorn-squirrel-feeder.html" target="_blank">un
    Squirrels get hungry and people get bored. This unicorn squirrel feeder solves both problems. The squirrels get their food and the bored people get something to chuckle between "I'm bored" rants. Everyone wins.
  • Matching Nutcracker Undies
    Some couples wear matching Christmas sweaters around the holidays. Others get kinkier and <a href="https://www.shinesty.com/p
    Some couples wear matching Christmas sweaters around the holidays. Others get kinkier and wear matching nutcracker undies. You do you.
  • Michael Scott That's What She Said Sweater
    Fans of "The Office" will appreciate this sweater that turns a tired phrase from Michael Scott into <a href="https://www.tips
    Fans of "The Office" will appreciate this sweater that turns a tired phrase from Michael Scott into a bold new ugly sweater! If you wear it to your actual office, you're sure to get lots of comments -- especially from HR.
  • Sisyphus Toilet Paper Shelf
    It's an inarguable point: Most toilet paper storage shelves are woefully lacking when it comes to paying tribute to Greek myt
    AnimicUSA.com
    It's an inarguable point: Most toilet paper storage shelves are woefully lacking when it comes to paying tribute to Greek mythology (spend a few hours at Ikea if you don't believe me). Thank Zeus for this Sisyphus Toilet Paper Shelf, which reenacts a classic myth using rolls of modern-day toilet paper. Appreciating the classics this way will leave you flushed.
  • Bob Ross Coffee Mug
    Bob Ross' mellow calm personality is perfect for people who are grouches before they have their morning coffee. And this<a hr
    Bob Ross' mellow calm personality is perfect for people who are grouches before they have their morning coffee. And this mug will allow java drinkers to enjoy a few "happy clouds" while they get their needed caffeine fix.
  • Human Santapede
    <a href="https://www.shinesty.com/products/ladies-santapede-christmas-sweater" target="_blank">A sweater of Santas</a> with t
    A sweater of Santas with their mouths sewed onto each other's butts: Now that's what I call an ugly Christmas sweater! And next year's big holiday movie?
  • Umali Game From Philippines
    <a href="https://tenalach.com/collections/outdoor-games/products/umali" target="_blank">Umali </a>is a sport in the Phillippi
    Umali is a sport in the Phillippines that is akin to tetherball, bowling or croquet -- except the ball you're smacking around is strapped to your waist and is directed by shaking your crotch around. Depending on your comfort level and local community standards, you may or may not want to do this in a public park.
  • Nuns Having Fun Calendar
    The <a href="https://www.workman.com/products/nuns-having-fun-wall-calendar-2020" target="_blank">perfect calendar for</a> so
    The perfect calendar for someone who likes to mix levity and piety. 
  • Inflatable Dallas Cowboys Mascot
    Sure, Santa inflatables are fun, but they're really only appropriate for a month out of each year. This inflatable <a href="h
    NFLShop.com
    Sure, Santa inflatables are fun, but they're really only appropriate for a month out of each year. This inflatable Dallas Cowboys mascot can stay on your lawn from August to the time they inevitably get eliminated from the playoffs. Your neighbors will love your enthusiasm, especially if you live outside of Texas and near a major metropolitan area with a different NFL team. (Special note to Philadelphians: Don't.)
  • Burrito Blanket
    Sandwiches? Great! Burgers? Love them! Hot dogs? Bring them on! But the truth is, no food product other than the tortilla len
    Sandwiches? Great! Burgers? Love them! Hot dogs? Bring them on! But the truth is, no food product other than the tortilla lends itself to being turned into a blanket. You'll feel warmer than a hot tamale in its husk when you rest under this burrito blanket.
  • Santa Poops Down Chimney Sweater
    This sweater that shows <a href="https://www.poopourri.com/products/drop-it-mens-sweater" target="_blank">Santa Claus droppin
    This sweater that shows Santa Claus dropping a duece into someone's chimney is proof that it's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas. It comes with some Poo-Pourri anti-stink spray that fits in a pouch near Santa's rump, so you know it's classy.
  • Walking Dead Whiskey
    Whiskey kills brain cells, which makes it the perfect drink for zombies. This <a href="https://www.reservebar.com/products/th
    Whiskey kills brain cells, which makes it the perfect drink for zombies. This branded product proves it's better to be the "Walking Dead" than a drunk driver.
  • Nachosaurus
    It is absolutely an unproven fact of science that chips and fries taste better when <a href="https://www.houzz.com/products/b
    It is absolutely an unproven fact of science that chips and fries taste better when eaten off of a dinosaur platter. Sure looks good, though.
  • Santa Clothes Doll
    Advent calendars are a fun way to get ready for Christmas, but the <a href="https://santaclothesdoll.com/" target="_blank">Sa
    Advent calendars are a fun way to get ready for Christmas, but the Santa Clothes Doll dresses up the tradition in a new way. Starting on the 12th day before Christmas, you're supposed to put a different item of clothing on Santa until he's ready to deliver the toys. Of course, the image of Santa walking around the toy shop in his underwear is something you can't see. Sorry about that.
  • Gooey Louie
    A game <a href="https://www.goliathgames.us/product/gooey-louie/" target="_blank">where players pick fake boogers</a> out of
    A game where players pick fake boogers out of a toy man's nose? We are so there!
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Weird Christmas Gifts 2018
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