22 Weird Father's Day Gifts Your Dad Wants More Than What You Plan To Give Him

There's something for every pop, including merman tails, marijuana vending machines and, of course, preserved racehorse poop.

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My rule for fatherhood is simple: A dad should take take parenting seriously, but not himself.

And he shouldn’t take his Father’s Day gifts seriously either.

Of course, a lot of families didn’t get the memo, which means more work for HuffPost Weird News.

As we do every year, we’ve combed the internet for wacky gifts sure to please the strange dads in your life.

Merman tails? Check! Marijuana vending machine? Yep! Preserved racehorse poop? You bet!

You don’t have to thank us ― save it for your dad.

Merman Tail
If your dad wants to make a big splash this summer, he need only wear a merman tail around the pool. Warning: There's a reason why you don't see many mermen running marathons. This thing is hard to walk in.
Luggage Featuring Your Dad's Ugly Mug
Any dad who has spent time at the airport luggage terminal knows the problems of trying to pick out a suitcase from dozens of other look-alike luggage. Identifying the suitcase is a lot easier if it features a close-up of Pop's face -- it's science, man!
Vulcan Earbuds
It's conceivable there might be a dad who doesn't want to look like Mr. Spock while listening to music, but, honestly, that seems highly illogical.
A Pot for Pot
As cannabis becomes legal in the U.S., there is a growing market for people who want to grow their own cannabis. This pot for pot has everything Dad needs to grown his own weed -- except the seeds. However, there's a coupon included for that.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard Face Palm Sculpture
If good art speaks to us, this sculpture of "Star Trek" Capt. Jean-Luc Picard says, "I'm surrounded by idiots." It's a message Dad will get behind.
Stretchy Donald Trump Doll
You already know Donald Trump stretches the truth, but now Dad can stretch Donald Trump. This modified version of the "Stretch Armstrong" toy popular in the 1970s will let your father take out his aggressions on the leader of the free world.
Beef Jerky Bouquet
Does your dad have a beef about getting flowers? He won't if the petals are made from beef jerky. Mmmmmm.
Joe Namath Action Figure (Not A Doll)
Want to make your dad feel old? Give him this action figure of football legend Joe Namath and pretend you only know who he is because he did a guest spot on "The Brady Bunch." He'll find it funny ... eventually.
Unicorn Taco Holder
It's a fact not proved by science, data or any research whatsoever: Tacos just taste better when served on the back of a pink unicorn. Imagine the twinkle in Dad's eye when he asks, "Oh, you really wanted me to put my tacos in this thing? You're serious? OK. I guess."
Tuxedo Onesie
Who said style and comfort were mutually exclusive? Not the person who decided to make this tuxedo onesie. Doing the bare minimum never felt so classy.
Pokemon Ball Waffle Iron
Your dad could spend his days looking for Pokemon or he could be making you lots of waffles shaped like Pokemon balls. Do I need to spell out which is the better deal? (Waffles! waffles! waffles!)
Portable Pizza Oven
The greatness of pizza is undisputed -- except when it's time to have an outdoor cookout. Luckily, this portable pizza oven will let your dad get his fill of pies while the other dads suffer through burned hot dogs. Sorry, life isn't fair.
Preserved Horse Turds
There are crappy Father's Day gifts, but not like this: Each jar contains preserved poop from Silver Charm, a Hall of Fame thoroughbred that ran in the Kentucky Derby in 1997.
Skin Tag Remover
Is your dad silently suffering from the secret shame known as "skin tags"? Imagine how happy he will be when you give him the Claritag, a space-age device designed to quickly remove nagging bits of epidermis. You think people who just got an Instant Pot are annoying? They are nothing compared to people who've just removed their skin tags. You have been warned.
Pot Vending Machine
Even if your dad is not into smoking green bud, he probably enjoys green money. Thanks to this pot vending machine, your dad could have a nice cushion for his retirement selling weed to family and friends.
Portable Solar Generator
Is your dad one of those people who constantly stresses if his phone charge level drops below 80%? Does he avoid nature because of the lack of USB ports? This portable solar charger will ease his worried mind -- unless it's a really cloudy day.
Darth Vader Blazer
Chances are, your dad will never be Supreme Commander of the Empire, but he can still be lord and master of his home in this Darth Vader blazer. The style is strong in this one.
Customized Coloring Pages
Sure, a family portrait seems like a no-brainer gift for Father's Day, but it's kind of boring. You can't say that if you give him a customized coloring page featuring that same photo. Plus, it will give him something to do while waiting to pick up kids from school or soccer practice.
Banana Whiskey
As Father's Day gifts go, no one can deny that banana-flavored booze can be quite appealing.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Pizza
If pizza is good, chocolate is good and peanut butter is good, then all three together should be great, right? This chocolate pizza kicks the conspicuous consumption factor even higher by topping the pie with gold dust and potato chips dipped in peanut butter and chocolate. Hope Dad has dental insurance.
Kangaroo Pouch Shirt
Got a new dad in your life? Don't make him suffer through summer heat by wearing one of those Baby Bjorns. Instead, just trust this kangaroo-inspired shirt to do the heavy lifting while Dad's hands can hold something just as valuable as his new infant, namely cocktails and remotes.
Most Appropriate Father's Day Card Ever
Yes, you can spend a lot of money on weird gifts for Dad, but sometimes a simple tacit acknowledgement is all that's needed.

This article was originally published in June 2019.

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