Halloween is a time when people can be something they’re not (unless, of course, they’re weird ― there is no way those people can ever be normal).
Seems this year, a lot of people want to be sexy, but these costume choices may make that a challenge.
A sexy Scooby Doo? Maybe.
A sexy Cat In The Hat? Perhaps.
A sexy acorn tree with a squirrel puppet in the crotch? That’s just nuts!
As is usual (but not normal), HuffPost Weird News has collected some of the strangest, weirdest and most tasteless Halloween merchandise.
Go treat yourself, but don’t get tricked into purchasing costumes like the ones in this creeper gallery.
Sexy Scooby Doo
One of the best Halloween traditions involves destroying childhood memories by adding blatant sexuality to beloved childhood characters. This sexy Scooby Doo
costume does that in spades. As Scooby himself might say, "Ruh roh!"
A Very Special Present
Some costume ideas never get old. But outfits based on 10-year-old Saturday Night Live skits
definitely do. If the subtle "humor" of this costume escapes you, here's a brief explanation. The suit contains a gift-wrapped box in the crotch section which contains the man's sex organ. The idea is that his male sex organ is so incredible that it is a gift for anyone lucky enough to receive it.
If your plan to appeal to women consists of dressing up as a waitress from "Droopers,"
you could be in for a rough go of it. However, there is a way to spin it so you don't come off as the sexist creeper you most certainly are. Say this: "This costume is my way of protesting the objectification of women in our consumer culture and the way major corporations force young females to parade their bodies around to sell product. It also honors the beauty of all women no matter their age or body type." Please don't follow that up with "Can I do a body shot off you?"
Turn Me On
This light switch costume
is perfect for people who aren't good at expressing their emotions verbally. Now you can let people know how you feel about them by clicking the switch up or down. No one's feelings will be hurt if you keep the switch turned "off." They were turned off by this costume when you walked in the room.
Wanna See My Nuts Costume
It says something about the costumes in this guide that this one comes off as almost tasteful.
Apparently the phrase, "Wanna see my nuts" has two different meanings. On one hand, it could be a tree saying, "Hey, I have these nuts. Want to see them?" On the other, it could be a slightly creepy guy saying, in effect, "Hey, I use the word 'nuts' to refer to my testicles. Want to see them?" Be careful: Some people may want to play with your squirrel (FYI: another term that has two meanings).
Bloody Toilet Paper
Yes, the bathroom is the scariest room in any house. Blood-stained toilet paper
will make it even grosser. Especially if people forget to flush so the ink stains the bowl. Fun stuff, kids.
Adult Inflatable Baby Costume
For everyone who wants to show off their moneymakers in a skimpy sexy costume, there is someone else who isn't as comfortable with their body. This inflatable baby costume
hides those problem areas, while giving the wearer extra space to keep their candy.
Sexy Cat In Hat
A sexy Cat in the Hat costume
? Seriously? The only one who can sum up my feelings about this childhood destroyer are these lines from the actual Dr. Seuss book: “Cat, you ruined mom's dress!" "Honey, it was ruined when she bought it.”
Floating Dead Rubber Duck
Man In Tub Costume
Want a Halloween costume that lets you show off some skin while still seeming to be good clean fun? The inflatable bathtub
should whet your appetite.
Some people drink too much at Halloween and spend November 1 next to the toilet. This costume
is certainly more efficient.
Donald Trump Wall Costume
A lot of people might dress up as Donald Trump this year, but the true Halloween players will go as his wall.
You better buy it with your own money though, because Mexico isn't paying for this, either.
Sexy Cow Costume
At some point, costume companies are going to run out of animals they can make sexy. Oh, guess they. This "sexy cow" costume
has a little heart that says "In The Moood." Why? Wasn't "Udderly Horny" clever enough?
Giant Schnoz Mask
Warning: Do not wear this Giant Schnoz Mask
unless you're OK with hearing cocaine jokes all night.
The perfect costume for guys who think they're comfortable enough with their masculinity to dress like a woman, but aren't comfortable enough with it to go all the way. What a drag.
Sawing Wood Doll Animatronic
Looking for something creepy to add color to your haunted house or Halloween party? This animatronic Pinocchio-type doll
will fill the bill. It appears as if it's sawing off its arm. Of course, you may have to deal with lots of Obamacare jokes. It's that kind of year.
Sexy (But Still Slightly Creepy) Clown
Creepy clown sightings are all the rage this fall. This clown costume
is trying to be sexy, not creepy. Ironically, that makes it creepy.
Sexy Jack Skellington
Mohawk Wig Typically Worn By Extras In Bad 1980s Action Comedies
OK, in every bad action comedy made in the 1980s, there is a scene where the hero gets caught in a place where he doesn't fit in and gets surrounded by a bunch of threatening individuals who stare at him in a threatening manner. One of those extras is always a "punk rocker" in the type of mohawk
only seen in, well, bad 1980s action comedy. If obscure movie references is your goal, this is your huckleberry.