Weird News

Happy Valentine's Day, Weirdo!

Love is a many-splendored thing, and one of the best parts is that everybody inside is just a little bit freaky.

Luckily, HuffPost Weird News has figured out the most heartfelt gifts you can give that oddball you love most.

Sexy Surgeon's Mask
Sticky4Ever.com
Need to create mystery with your lover or simply don't want to get measles from them? This sexy surgeon's mask is a way to say "yes yes" with your eyes while still saying "no no" with your nose and mouth.
Eraser Ring
Wayfair.com
Jewelry is always a touching gift, but it's expensive and it's not practical. This eraser ring is cheap and practical because it allows your lover a way to correct their mistakes. Hopefully, they won't erase you out of their lives after you give this to them.
Moodsign
TheMoodSign.com
Perhaps the greatest invention ever created for a couple. The Moodsign is a simple way for a woman or man to signal whether they are in the mood for sex. Red means "stop" and blue means "don't stop, whatever you do, don't stop."
Black Lingerie Apron
Wayfair.com
Wearing sexy lingerie is crucial on Valentine's Day and a home-cooked meal is always appreciated. But cooking in lingerie presents some problems. This apron allows your lover a feast for their eyes without burning your teddy on the stove.
Klingon Blood Wine
Vinport.com
You think you have problems shopping for Valentine's Day gifts? It's amplified by 1,000 when your special someone is a Klingon. Luckily, this blend of Malbec, Syrah and Petit Verdot is perfect with Klingon dishes like Heart of Targ. Your lover will appreciate the gift so much, he or she will shout, "yIlop! wa’IeS chaq maHegh!" ("Celebrate! Tomorrow we may die!")
Personal Stalker
OurNameIsMud.com
Sometimes it's hard to find the right way to tell someone you're seriously obsessed with them in a way that goes beyond normal boundaries of acceptable behavior. For those people, there is the "personal stalker." Your lover will probably appreciate it as a little joke -- until it's not funny anymore.
Super Heroine Photo Session
AlloriaWinter.com
Need to let your lover know you are a super catch? How about making an elaborate photo album showing you dressed up like a super heroine? Not only will it turn your Valentine on, but it will give them a warning of what to expect if they ever try to dump you.
Fast Food Themed Panties
Naja.com
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach? Maybe, but there may be a slight detour when your Valentine sees you wearing nothing but a burger and fries.
I Chews You Stuffed Animal
11Main.com
Zombies need love too. Actually, they just need brains. Lots of bra-a-ains. Still, you can show your undead Valentine what's eating you with this heartfelt stuffed cannibal.
Giant Heart Shower Curtain
Wayfair.com
Let me set the scene: It's Valentine's Day, your lover comes to the shower and sees a giant anatomically correct heart on the curtain. Most people will freak out, but the one person out of a thousand who likes it is a keeper.
Vibrating Childrens Pillow
Wayfair.com
OK, the official title for this is "Vibrating Childrens Pillow," but vibrating upholstery, like youth, is wasted on the young.
Dish That Tells People What You Really Love
Photo by David Moye
There's something to be said for total honesty in love and this dish says it point blank. If your Valentine can't understand that they're playing second fiddle to a bacon cheeseburger with crispy onions, then you don't want them. Seriously.
Stadium-Shaped Chocolates
BetterWorldBrands.com
Is your Valentine a sports nut who turns his or her nose up at sappy heart-shaped chocolates? Show them you understand their true love with chocolates shaped like sports equipment and sports arenas. Word of caution: The chocolate balls don't bounce.
Red Suit With White Hearts
HalloweenCostumes.com
If you're the type of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, this suit is the ticket -- especially if you like hearing jokes about having a "heart on."
Dairy Queen Spoon In Velvet Case
DQCakes.com
What a sweet Valentine's Day gift: A red Dairy Queen spoon wrapped up in a velvet case. If your lover gripes about you being a cheapskate, let them know some of the money is going to the Children's Miracle Network. That may quiet them slightly, but you may want to also give them something they can use the spoon with.
Wrinkle Cream Made From Worms
Greensations.com
This might be a gift you give yourself before going to your loving weirdo. It's an anti-wrinkle cream made from earthworm poop. Think of the joy he or she will experience when they notice how wonderfully youthful and vibrant you look and the expression on their face when you say, "I owe it all to earthworm poop."
Chocolate Text
www.chocolatetext.com
These days, some couples only communicate via text. Since inventors have yet to discover a way to send chocolate through the Internet or iMessage, the next best thing is a box of candy with an appropriate text message. Think of all the emojis you'll get in return.
Leather Covered Heart-Shaped Pill Box
Wayfair.com
No Valentine likes to be told, "Hey, take a chill pill," but it might be easier to convince them your motives are honorable if that chill pill comes in this stylish heart-shaped box. Extra points if you sing the Nirvana song when your lover unwraps this.
Chocolate Boob Hearts
Kollar Chocolates
The most titillating form of candy you can give to that boob you call a Valentine.
Sex Position Playing Cards
AllPosters.com
Even the best relationships need a boost to keep things spicy. These sexy playing cards are great for playing strip poker because they provide possible positions to adopt after the pretense of the game is over.
Riddler Boxers
TV Store Online
Love is a riddle, but it's no joke the effect these boxers will have on your Valentine. To be fair, the horizontal fly can make certain bodily functions a little awkward.
Double Hearts Branding Iron

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